Hey butterfly! I am not sure. I think you used to post here? Or did you change your ID? Anyway I think I remember you and am glad you are here.

Good to see you too AG! I meant to comment in the thread where I asked about you but times have been rough and though I have looked in on this board I mostly didn't feel I could respond to ayone. I had a rough couple of weeks.

EMDR

My new T tried it with me but I think I didn't know her well enough and she zeroed in on one of the most stressful things I could face. I think I had a major reaction to it that didn't go well. Mostly I stopped doing it in the middle and I left sort of early. Then I came home and wanted to not exist anymore and was really beside myself, crying and angry and I called and quit therapy etc. After I calmed down I realized that all of it was a reaction. I told my new T this and she agreed wholeheartedly and said that she is learning how to work with me and in the future if I am getting that worked up she will know to back up.

She wanted me to process my old T of 16 years leaving me. It is deeply rooted in my loss of having a close attachment to my mom when I was a kid. When I even brush up against this subject I get very upset because it leads to feelings of dying. LITERALLY. My body everything responds as though I am about to die. I liken it to drowning. Never being able to take a breath again as my brain dwindles away into unconciousness. Everything inside me fights this.

It has plagued all of my life that I can remember.