I said I didn't want to email her but my online support forum encouraged me too - that you guys had reminded me she wouldn't have said I can email her if she didn't mean it, but how it still felt wrong.
I was honest and gave a normal update, as if she was around. I was honest with how bleak and low I am feeling and how badly I want to give up at times. How hard I find dealing with the lows, and more so following feeling very good.
I also said I known I can phone my pdoc; and the i had sent her an email today describing how bad my lows are and asked her why the drop can happen so suddenly and most importantly why can't I hold onto the mood I felt a couple hours ago - why is it so far away it feels like I never felt it?
I told my T I'm just trying to hang in there, the ti can't think too far ahead - it's too bleak and awful.
it was a really long email. I won't know when she will get it or get time to reply, but it's sent now.
I'll just try to hold onto the fact she will get it and will read it and will understand
