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Reply to "co-dependency"

((((MALLARD))))

Well it's nice to have you back. I hope you feel rested. I'm sure no one will mind when you start interacting with them. Wink When do you finish school?

Unspoken and spoken rules. My father literally forbade me from talking about anything that bothered me from the past (that my sister hit me the week before and wasn't punished) as well as other family issues (that my brother and sister were adopted).

There were also things that I learned not to bring up from the glare I got from my mother or the "cough" my father developed when something uncomfortable came up, like who I looked like.

My father had a nervous breakdown and was in the psych ward for a month when I was born and I think it was to protect him from getting overwhelmed. I understand why it all happened but it was a hard way to grow up. A friend I grew up with put it this way: my family was allergic to emotions. So I do have difficulty when a therapist won't let me talk about certain things.

Actually, the relationship with the therapist I just left was a total reenactment of my family dynamic. He is CBT trained and chose it for a reason. I'm not sure he is comfortable with his own emotions. It was clear that there were many things he was not comfortable talking about. I brought in David Wallins book and showed my therapist the part where Wallins wrote that the healthiest families (and therapies) are the ones in which all feelings are allowed to be expressed and are accepted. It helped a bit for a time but, in the end, he was limited.

From that experience, I have learned that I need to be able to talk about whatever it is that is bothering me and to work with a therapist who is okay with all the feelings in the room.
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