I think there's a line to be drawn and I think sometimes people tend to lump ruminating and obsession together, when OCD type issues are not the same as being caught in emotional pain (although they may be incredibly painful!). If I had some compulsive issues (like a fear of dogs for example), I probably would want to use some behavioural techniques to help divert me from that particular thought pattern. With family-related emotional issues, probably not.
It depends on the client, I suppose. I do know folk who far prefer solution-focussed approaches to their emotional issues but I am not one of them.
I'm also with you on who's the driver in the therapeutic relationship. I get to decide what's important to me, how long I spend on it and when I am ready to move on to the next phase. I am happy to be met with appropriate challenge but my T and I have had to work hard on what that means and realise that human relationships are fluid and what feels okay may change week on week.
More and more I am coming to think that the early stages of therapy need to be about T and client working out their own language of what is going to work and then it has to be constantly renegotiated as therapy proceeds. What was once not comfortable for me is now okay, so techniques and subjects that I would once say "no way!" to, are no longer off the table. Similarly, just because something is okay now, doesn't mean I won't end up a triggered mess on the ceiling in 4 weeks time. That is why the therapeutic relationship needs to build in that trust, honesty and flexibility.
I think when you've been wounded deeply, it can be incredibly hard to access the internal resources to make sure that happens though. I'm glad you've been able to negotiate with your current T.
quote:My deep fear is that she is suggesting this material because she is ready to "move on" from exT to deal with the rest of my relationships in life
AH, I think I would share that fear too. I don't know how easy you would find this, but this is exactly the subject that should be being talked about in the early stages of therapy. Priorities... how will we know when a subject is resolved 'enough'? How will we know if we're not understanding each other's intentions? That sort of thing.
It is totally okay to set an agenda and be really clear about what is the most pressing priority. I think one of the things I do is try not to look like I'm a blubbering mess, so I give the impression that I'm dealing a lot better with certain subjects too. It's self-protective too. Having been burned in the past I have a sort of "Um, why on earth would I show you that level of vulnerability when my prior experience tells me that you'll eventually turn into someone who hurts me?" thing going on. My T and I had to go over that a couple of times too.
Personally, I think if you and your T discuss the article it would be perfectly okay to say something like "Reading the article made me wonder whether you thought that I was ready to move away from speaking about the damaging relationship with my former T and look into wider issues. I'm wondering what your thoughts are on that?" That way, it's no longer unsaid for either of you.
