I agree with all of the above. You have such a way of articulating things perfectly
I believe I'd like to say that this does help me identify my patterns of behavior in relationships, and helps me see why I've been wounded so badly by exT, and the advice here could be beneficial for me to hear and apply... BUT... I don't feel it will help me make sense of how to fully move on from exT. Because the context is of a totally different dynamic.
My deep fear is that she is suggesting this material because she is ready to "move on" from exT to deal with the rest of my relationships in life. I really hope she hasn't already become tired of hearing about him, because as much as I would love to be done with the subject (I wanted to be "over it" the day I left!!!) my mind is not in agreement with letting it go just yet. It will unfortunately require many conversations of the same topic, each time trying to untangle a little more of the trauma, until it's out of my system. I am not sure if she is ready for that kind of repetition, but I hope so...
I really agree also with what you said about the difficulty in processing such a complex situation. I will be the first to admit that one of my most trusted defense mechanisms in childhood was black and white thinking. It's taken years for me to develop the ability to see the 'shades of gray' in between, so to speak. And I feel like for the most part I can manage to pull from my new resources instead of using my old coping strategy.
However... with this situation I feel like there are SO many variables it's completely overwhelming, not to mention how many layers of my existing wounds it touches on. It would be amazing to be able to put this into a neat little package of good or bad, right or wrong, love or hate. Sometimes it feels like I have honestly felt every emotion known to man about exT, all at the same time.
I hope I can start making some real progress soon...
