If I was in a fairly fragile place, I wondered whether I might take a self-blame nose dive and feel like my T was labelling me or saying I was dysfunctional. Given what you've been going through these last months, I'm wondering if you've been left feeling as if you're carrying all the responsibility for what happened with exT?
In terms of its usefulness, I saw a fair number of traits I have seen both in past and present Mallard. People pleasing (check) Defining self-worth by others (check), giving a lot and having issues setting boundaries have all been big topics for me too.
I've never been a fan of the term co-dependency, probably because it has really developed a life of its own since it entered mainstream usage and it's often not used correctly. I prefer to define the issues I experience in terms of attachment. To me, it feels less pathologising to think like that because attachment has a developmental perspective.
Although the suggestions make sense, I got a little irritated by the neat summing up about how to get over it. I understand that it's the Huff, so this is an article for popular consumption - and the author will have been held to a strict word count. So it's not an in-depth article aimed at T clients.
If it was me, I'd want to use the article as a jumping off point for exploration with my T and I'd certainly want to explore my T's thought processes to understand what led to her recommending this article and what her answer to the what next? question is. I'd be hesitant to use it as a road map, especially early on in the therapeutic relationship.
Hope you're okay, AH.
