SG Quote: ""Folks, I swear, this is EXACTLY what I've been doing with my husband!! It wasn't anger at all, that's why I couldn't figure it out. And I was definitely not bothering to "protest", because on some level I was sure it wouldn't be met, and then moving right into despair and detachment...even to the point of pining for an attachment from a quarter of a century ago. And although I can't really "remember" ever developing this pattern with my parents, it is the ONLY way I EVER remember relating to them at all. I thought it was "just the way I was." What good news that maybe I was never really supposed to be that way at all. Explains a lot!!!

Now that my husband and I are starting to do something different, things are changing...and we just started, I know we have a long way to go yet...but just not to have that haze of inexplicable agitation, the raging need for intimacy and an equally raging need to run away screaming...I just can't express enough what a relief it is to have it so drastically reduced with something so simple. And yet it feels exactly right, like exactly what I've been trying to ask for, I just didn't have any idea how. And now the "rest" of the stuff we have to work on, which is a lot, looks so much more possible now that all my energy isn't getting drained away with unexpressed "protesting", despair, and detachment"



strummergirl, i am just a rookie with this attachment. altho t3 told me i had it, i didn't recognize it until she booted me out. now i can see that as a blessing as it clearly showed what you are saying in this quote. the despair and detachment i felt so strongly growing up, and this unrelenting need to still find that attachment with THEM all through my adult life. it was a mystery, yet i knew it was there. me, pleasing them, trying SO hard trying to come back to loving arms that delighted in what i 'brought home from school' today, even bringing them grandkids. they took, they had no problem with that, but, i don't know there was something missing in the delighted with ME aspect. they love the kids, but delighted with ME was missing from the earliest days up to the present.

like i say, i am a rookie, but this is so flipping helpful!

i am going to try that greeting each other when you come and go with a kiss or hug or something with my husband. not that we have problems, but sometimes i do shun his gooodbye kiss away, like i am tooo busy for it. all a part of this circle stuff. and who knows, if i can get him more aware of MY attachemnt malfunctions, perhaps these attachments can be achieved in a healthy way through him and lessen my dependence (from the gut dependence) on my future t and turn that into more of a handrail dependence with my husband being my bread and butter.

anyway, any thing else you find, please share, i printed it out and plan on reading it through with my husband soon.

i maintain, i learn SO MUCH on this site, i appreciate your sharing, sg. xxoo, and hug,too, jill