reallly good stuff, strummergirl. it makes sense, i too, like TN, would love to see the despair direction. i printed this out and am just learning about all this attachment stuff. didn't realy know this was my deal, it was all such a fog, but, see attachment is so central to my stuff. always been looking for that big sister to show me the ropes. and desparate when acquaintances give me the brush off (they probably didn't even see me but that is how i interpret it). this desparate need to attach, to run and crawl up in the lap of the next person nice to me, to tell them i love them and i just 'know' they are all i expect them to be. then, the inevitable crash. the let down, then the wall of defense as (the pouting child, defiant) says i don't need ANY OF YOU!! f off!! i am an island all of myself....then i reach out again. jump in the lap of the next nice person and begin the cycle.

i don't for the life of me know why i have a good marriage and he does not react in these codependent ways. it is a gift from God, i know that that is a stable force.

oh, strummergirl, thanks....this IS so good and so true, and like you, will help with the kids...as we certainly didn't have it modeled did we!! ((sg)) jill