FWIW, my couples T and his wife not only share an office but also a phone number. When I leave voicemail for him, she will hear it first depending on which one is in the office at that time. Apparently he doesn't feel that it's a problem, and I find it doesn't bother me that much since he's not my individual T.

Anyway, forgive me but I think you've said many times that you're afraid of his wife but you've never said you hate her. I guess that's hard for me to understand, because I imagine if I were in your position, part of me would absolutely despise her and want to take her out. After all, she is occupying a privileged place with your T that you will never be able to attain. Also, since you imagine she's better-educated and better-looking than you (whether or not that's true) then maybe she also has some status in your eyes that you wish you had and it could make you want to knock her down a rung. My T has a son my age and that doesn't bother me, but if she had a daughter, I know part of me would have a vendetta against her, only because I would never be as important to my T as her.

This might sound stupid, but do you ever think it might be easier for you if you let yourself hate her instead of being afraid of her? Instead of fantasizing what she would do to you, why not fantasize HER getting hit by a bus? Or whatever fate seems appropriate to you.

Sorry if it's not helpful. It's just what comes to mind for me.