Wow- you did a great job answering all uf us people that responded to your post. It must have taking you ages to do all that! You seem to be a very polite, warm and conscientious person! Thanks for your post and your kind words to me- (i also think i was brave telling my T how i felt for him. Still proud of that one.. yeah.
)I hope all the posters you recieve here now- helps you more than confuse you, this topic (as i know you know! really touches the core for us p`s in therapy, so there is no doubt you`ll get very different veiws and personal told experinces from all of us. I can still only speak from my own learned experince in therapy and would like to answer your new questions again- (and really want to keep "plant" and foster some hope and positive thoughts in you, - so that your deep fears and worries for attachment can go back where they belong
)(I dont know how to do this qoting-stuff yet! But this is your question)
"How do you feel in between sessions, do you think of him all the time, want to be with him all the time etc or are you able to get on with your life without being consumed by thoughts of him?"
LL, i think about my T A LOT. Yes, no doubt about that. (i think that answer scares you so- keep reading) My T is in my thought and in my mind and dreams(!) a lot of the time, and i know he is, because He is simply someone i WANT to keep in mind.. It makes me happy. It makes me feel safe (thats a big one for me!) it makes me feel ALIVE, it makes me feel ME. It has a function in that way. I am able to focus about other things in my life, being precent in the moment and all that, but i always wait for my session. But i am SURE i would not had functioned and fully lived my life, without the therapy. I know it must sound like a cliche- but my T makes me feel more ME AND MORE ALIVE AND MORE ATTACHED TO LIFE! You see, the good thing about attachment istn just that one feels attached to the T, but the attachment itselfs workes (should work) for the better in meny aspects in life- you become more attached to both youself (your real self) more attached to your life (the persons around you, etc). Well, this was big words.. lol.
(qoting you again)
"I could think of nothing worse than having a T who is supposed to welcome all our feelings but who has problems accepting and being comfortable with our positive feelings about them."
I SO AGREE with you. There is no doubt that i would just ran away from my T, if i diddent trusted him being "professional" with my feelings/needs/blabla. I only allow my self trust him because he is WORTHY my trust.Because my T keeps the boundries intact and makes the therapy room safe and stable. The trust is essential for the warm feelings to grow. Thats the first step in therapy. (as already said here in forum in better ways than i am able to do) To establish trust.
I`m still curious of what kind of T you got? As you describe him he seem to be a psychoanalyst, or a psychiatrist? Sinse you already identified him as a bit "cold" (haha- i hope you dont find your T really cold in a personal level, that would have been sad..!) withdrawn and distanced? When will you see your T again?
(qoteing you again...)
"that detached objectivity I sense about him is a big part of what made me choose him - frees me from having to go through the rigmarole of treating him as if he has feelings and needs and wants like a ‘normal’ person"
LL- that sounds really important and healthy. I agree with you. You T is NOT supose to be like a "normal friend" (that would be very burdening for me i know!)
(you again)
"I hope I do get to like him because yeah it would be really hard to keep opening up to someone whom I didn’t feel something positive for."
I also hope LL, that you will like your T. I know how important that is. I dont even know if i would dared or even been able to "do therapy" if i did not liked my T. For me that is the most essential thing. (you know, i also have big attachment issues, and therefor "i" putted my T on the famous pidestal so that i would manage to attache to him. There you got my "issue"!)
Let me know if you have more questions LL. And i really wish you all the best finding out of this- hopefully with your new T(better be the best) IN(side) therapy, and not in a lonely exile.
All the best
