I think STRM brought up a great point regarding feeling a T's care. I have been thinking that it's some malfunction in me that I can know my T cares but still not feel it. It's a relief to hear that I'm not way off base in having the knowledge that my T cares but still am unable to feel her care.
I think that trust is absolutely essential prior to having any real emotional connection with anyone, especially a T. I trust my T on some level -- mainly because I know it's her job to listen to me and focus an hour on me each week. But that's about as far as the trust goes right now, and I know I don't feel any intense attachment to her. In my opinion, it's because I haven't risked trusting her even more.
quote:I’ve had so many people in my life SAY they cared, including Ts - yet it never struck me as true or real or genuine.
Yes, yes yes...I relate to this so much. I find myself getting impatient, waiting for it to finally hit me one day that my T cares for me in a way that's different and actually genuine. But, again, I think that I need to establish more trust in her first before that can happen, so it feels a bit like I'm flying blind. Like I am accepting her care in the same cautious way that I accept everyone else's care, where I keep myself from getting attached to the feeling of the care itself so that I can protect myself if it's taken away.
This is strictly my opinion, and I honestly don't know from experience if it's true or not, but I think that the level of trust required in therapy for it to really progress is synonymous with attachment. Of course, I trust my T enough right now and I'm not attached (at least not very much), but I'm talking about that ultimate level of trust that takes a while to develop. In this sense, I agree with the others that it's hard for therapy to progress when you don't have that attachment.
quote:Divulging for me is like handing a little piece of myself over, I couldn't do that to anybody I didn't like - no matter how good they were!
I completely agree! LL, I'm just curious - is this T really cold, or is he more of the clinical type and it's hard to see past that at the beginning? That probably sounded like the same thing...what I'm trying to ask is if you think that maybe once you get more of a feel for how he handles therapy perhaps a more warm, caring nature could emerge? Is it possible that he is warm in some sense but isn't forthright about it? Just trying to get a bit more of a feel for this T. I am glad you think you found someone, but I do hope that you don't sacrifice experiencing what it's like to have a warm and caring T out of avoiding attachment. You deserve a wonderful T, LL, and it must seem so tiring, draining, and almost useless to keep searching when it hasn't panned out, so I hope your search is over.