Lol I remember the big girl’s panties sign - wow it’s amazing that there was one point at which things suddenly changed - sounds like suddenly you experienced her as totally accepting of you by taking your ‘little’ traumas seriously and that resonated deeply inside you. What rotten timing - to have found that connection just as she was off for a LONG break.
quote:She acted very distant and withdrawn for a lot of it until I told her what I had figured out about myself and she realized it wasn't just about her. She emphasized that my issues were about primary relationships, not her. That hurt, but it's true in many ways. She didn't handle it very well, to be sure.
I admit that some of my fears and questions and confusion about attachment to Ts had been stirred by what you’d been going through with your T - the quote above kind of typifies how I think Ts generally view attachment - that so long as it’s ‘accepted’ as being not primarily about THEM, then they are willing to work with it, willing to go with looking at the feelings - otherwise, I get the impression that they see it as something pathological. It’s kind of a relief to hear that maybe not all Ts are like that, and as you say, I reckon it’s probably more to do with their experience/approach than with attachment feelings themselves.
Thanks for the good wishes, and I’m glad you are now on the royal road to progress! (You’ve probably done your T a huge favour here, in that she must be learning so much from you, things that can only be good for her as a therapist in the future.)
(((( Songbird ))))
I’m so sorry you’re going through hell with your T away at the moment. This is no doubt one of the downsides of attachment! Separation and feeling abandoned. I’m curious as to why you say he is taking it too lightly, despite being experienced. I think that’s something that would scare the hell out of me, to become attached, to have really strong feelings about a T only to have them dismissed, not taken seriously, treated as not important enough to be taken properly into account. Shades of the past.
I hope that despite the pain you are in now, that your feelings for your T do allow you to grow and heal - it sucks that therapy can’t just flow smoothly from one point to the other without Ts inadvertently repeating past patterns. I still maintain that they should not be allowed to take holidays
Amazon
quote:me becoming attached/in love with my T suddenly kick-started my life. I'm not the same person I was (in a way). I am more ME.
Wow to me that says so much - that’s exactly my goal with therapy, to be ME and to feel ok about being me. I’ve read your posts on forum and it does strike me that you have a wonderful relationship with your T - if being attached achieves what you’re describing there, maybe it’s A Good Thing after all! Hey Amazon I’m glad for you that it’s all going so well
Interesting question too Amazon, about possibly needing to hate my T. Lol believe me I manage to feel furious and enraged and intensely frustrated with nearly every T I’ve ever met - and that’s right from the start! Which says I’m bringing negative transference with me already set up and ready to go. So this time I think with a T who doesn’t come from the kind caring let’s be real equal people school of therapy, that negative transference isn’t there so much. Which is why I think it’s ok that I don’t even like him very much. As you say - I *think* he’s competent and knows his job (too early to tell yet) and that’s the most important part for me right now - the sense that he knows what he is doing. I’ve spent too many sessions with too many wishy washy Ts who gave me the impression they had even less of a clue than me about what to do or where to go or what to talk about, and certainly none of them gave me the impression that they had ANY idea at all of what the overall process of therapy was about. Sort of like bumbling along one step behind me all the time. So yeah, competence matters more to me right now than kindness and caring and friendliness and liking.
Starfish
The lone voice in the wilderness! Thank you for replying - it makes perfect sense what you are saying - I agree - I couldn’t trust someone with the vulnerable damaged parts of me if I didn’t like them in some way - I’m counting on this new T of mine to SHOW me he can be trusted - I would be very put off if I found I actively disliked him (at the moment it’s more of a neutral position, neither liking nor disliking).
I guess it’s far too early for me to tell with anything - I’m just trying to get my head clear on issues that I know are going to come up for me. Thank you everyone very much for replying, what you’ve said has been really helpful to me (and given me quite a lot to think about, natch!)
LL