Such an milestone in life. (it was for me!)I dont have much time now, yet wantet to reply on your very open and honest post.
Firstly, I would like to "change" the way you describe the attachment as only something painful. Absolutely, there are stories and experiences that are painful and sad, but it is also often the only ones we read about, they belong to the exceptions!- so you might need a correction! I`ll use my self as an example (i also think we might have similar T- mine is also "cold" "detached" and non-verbal, objectiv etc..=psychoanalyst, so its possible to compare our T`s I`ll guess)
I honestly found the attachment - the feeling of being ("In love"- you know, all that stuff) attached as nothing but a BLESSING! I felt better in so meny ways... - I huge energy "lift" in my life, more happyness, more focused, more "alive"- in meny meny ways. I could go on describing ALL THE GOOD AND WARM feelings in details that grew from the attachment with my T (but you get the point i think!)
The pain- this holds- (as you seem to be so afraid of and maybe fear of reasons you only know) and the frustration that comes along with it, is sometimes a part of it.. but hey- that counts for ALL relations, right? How could it be different? I would never changed "my attachment" (=all my needy, longing, loving, trusting, engaged, frustratied feelings for my T) with something like "less attached" and I cant imagine how the therapy would work so good, without all this strong emotions. Strong emotions are friends in therapy!
You cant simply select just the good part and throw away all the other ("neeedy") stuff.. They go hand in hand.. as i see it. well, this was not very well written, i may not even have answered your questions,(I`ll be glad to come back to them if you`d like) but i really wanted to give you a positive view at this, and I also cross my fingers, and hope that your T (remember that it is a lot of real warmness in that "cold" method!) will fit you.
I am curious why you dont like your T though? Is that clear to you?- or do you think (as i understood your post) that you simply chose him to "be unlikeble" so that you wont "risk" to become attached to him?
All the best to you- and good luck