Yesterday’s session was my first with T1 in 6 weeks. Total this summer we’ve missed 9 weeks of therapy. A few weeks ago, I decided I was tired of depending T1. I’ve been learning more about taking responsibility for my feelings and thoughts and decided that I didn’t want to depend on someone who wasn’t here for me.

I won’t see him until next week because I’m seeing T2 in a few days. I’m relieved I won’t see him for a few days and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m making progress and the attachment is easing up. OR if I’ve regressed and have somehow hardened my heart to him. I’m tired of risking being vulnerable, needy, and dependent. I'm tired of processing memories and longing for him. I tired of longing for him to comfort me when I’m out of session, but frustrated that I have no feelings in session. Oh, the joys of therapy.

I’m thinking I need extended down time because my body is starting to complain with aching muscles, high blood pressure, insomnia, etc. Reading books or watching TV hasn’t helped in months. I’ve been hiking with my neighbor almost every day and that’s been enjoyable. I feel fine when I’m out, but feel like crap the minute I come home.

I’m wondering if taking a break from both Ts would be beneficial? It seems silly to want a break after being miserable from a 6 week break, but I’m desperate for some sort of extended internal relief and not sure where to find it.

Any suggestions?

PF