EJ,
I'll look into that book as well. My mom also suffered from depression and I now think she had bipolar tendencies. She would be in a good mood for several months and then not get out of bed for a few months. So, I never knew which mom I was going to get. My parents always told me to be determined so I have a hard time forgiving her. She could have gotten help and refused when we suggested it.

Yes, it's a long process and my T. kept telling me to stop rushing through. Most importantly, DO TELL your T. all of your feelings even the ones towards her. IT was horribly painful for me to do so in the beginning but I have learned so much about myself.

I think to better yourself you need to understand your feelings and interactions with T. As my T. said, the transference is a tool to see how our past affects us and how we are with current relationships. I really feel like most of my other relationships are fine but I can see small connections between the two.

I did the same as you - started out reading all sorts of books on mothers/emotional distance/etc. They definitely helped me figure out why I was feeling the way I was - it was articulated in ways I couldn't or I realized the type of parenting I had. I then took many of those to my therapy sessions. But, talking to her was probably just as insightful. i haven't read a book in over 6 months trying to just focus on my feelings instead of the why's.

Good luck!