Its making me think how much I loved being an addict and how much I want to be again.. its so good in so many ways… its such a good excuse to not live life… it’s a good excuse to be a failure. I didn’t graduate high school on time because i was an addict… not because I just didn’t work hard enough and I was lazy. And it was a way to fit in… I was a part of a group and my problems could be labeled… instead of just being screwed up for some reason, i was “an addict”.
I know that there is about a 0% chance of this happening, but if I didn’t “have so much of myself” as my T would say, I could see myself becoming an addict again just so I could “fit in” on this forum… do you know what I mean? Because I think a huge part of being an addict was the attention and feeling like I fit in. I could see myself thinking that if I started abusing alcohol or drugs or whatever again I could come here and get attention for it… That’s not going to happen… its just a thought….
I feel like I should end this by saying that this thread isn’t actually making me think about actually doing something (drugs, alcohol), it’s just bring up feelings.