Well, I had my first session (again) yesterday. Those same old feelings are flooding me again today. But the session was awesome as usual. I still don't know if it was the right thing to do, though. I mean, everyone has bad days, but that doesn't mean they need to go to therapy, right? But I do have another session scheduled (3 weeks) per my T's instructions. I hesitate to say because of possibly triggering someone reading, but I have been using some alcohol and my T thinks it is to mask some lonliness and other emotions. I do not necessarily agree with that, but we'll see how it all plays out. I am relieved he didn't tell me all those horrilble things my brain was telling me he would, like "oh no! Not HER again" and all that good stuff we tend to conjure up in our heads sometimes. I was able to talk to him about these feelings. And--Surprise! Surprose!--he understood!!! He didn't say one single thing I was terrified he might say! In fact, it was all pretty much the opposite! And I know we are supposed to learn/rewire through all these good experiences in therapy. But I am SO SCARED of (increased/continued) dependence on it/him!!!
So, that's where I am right now!!