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Thanks Jones and Peng. It means a lot hearing from you guys.

I can't go back to the thread. I picture people telling about how horrible their interactions with people with BPD has been. The truth is that all mental illness takes its tole on those around them. My father had PTSD from fighting in WWII and he took that out on his kids. He whacked out. So it's my belief that all disorders can cause pain and havoc in the lives of all affected by them. The problem with BPD is that the mental health profession has blamed them for decades for their disorder. They have treated BPDs as though they were malingering, manipulative, bad people. Now they know better but the stigma remains. I firmly believe that BPD is a disorder born out of trauma. It was for me anyway. My T says I have other things wrong as well. (Great!) but we are treating the BPD. I think I am going to quit all therapy. I think I have had it with this world of psychological evaluation and treatment. DBT is one of the hardest therapies around as far as in the psychological recover world. I have never seen such a complicated and painful course of treatment as DBT. I am unwilling to do it at this time. Although having read the nearly 600 page treatment book on it twice now in one week I can say it is a masterpiece that Linehan wrote. It's just now I know what it is about and I am thinking I can do it on my own without a therapist.
I think what you say is very true, Turtle - every mental illness, like every illness, has an impact beyond the individual, and sufferers really need proper understanding from professionals - and ideally, I think, help WITH their families/support network to understand and work with the illness.

BTW, the messages on the other thread are all warm and positive, I think. Smiler
Thanks for that Jones. You may have given me the courage to look again. There's so many mean things about BPD on the net that I get very shy about it. Although I believe that the lay person often labels things as BPD that are not BPD.

Peng thanks again for your thoughtful response. You're such a sweet person I can see why you have gone into the field. You obviously care a great deal about other people.

And thank you also for encouraging me to stay with T. Firstly let me say that she texted me this morning at 5 am to say that she was so sad to read that I wanted to quit. She said she wants to work with me and that she sees so much potential and worth in me that she really wants me to keep trying with DBT. She says she has seen people just like me who think they can not get better and then they do get better. She has witnessed it apparently. I have heard of this too. However it is like going through the lion's den to get to the other side. After reading the book about DBT and other sources about DBT I can say that it is an exposure therapy for the most part. And let me tell you it feels like it too. The whole thing is laced with exposures. The second half of DBT is for PTSD resolution. The first half is getting control of your reactions and behaviors then if you have PTSD as well the second half is -get this- prolonged exposure! Ugh.. But the T told me that she has a number of ways of minimizing the harshness of it. We may do emdr.

Some of my problem is that I am having flashbacks right now and they are to be put away until phase 2. I am supposed to do things to get them to go away like use ice or hard exercise etc to control them. It's like putting a small bandage on a huge wound and saying "Okay that has to work until stage 2 which is most likely in a year from now."

I know I am complaining. I should be grateful for this opportunity.

((((Peng)))) and (((Jones))))
Hi turtle,

I don't have BPD or much experience with it, so I'm sorry I did not respond in your thread.

A close friend of mine has BPD and has done a lot with DBT and therapy (they aren't in it anymore). She is lovely - and if she's feeling out of whack she communicates it great and we can work it out. So, for what it's worth I've had good experiences - and it does make a difference when people are aware of their 'stuff' and do the work. I know my trauma and diagnosis get totally in the way of my life and friendships... So it's not just BPD! But I do know the stigma is extreme Frowner
Damn!! I has this whole thing written out to Cat and Peng now it's gone!! Come on! Ugh

Firstly let me say that I am turtle but now I have an s on the end of my name, (turtles) The reason for this is that I asked shrinklady to remove my account because I was so ashamed etc. Now that you guys have verified that things didn't go as badly as I suspected I wanted to keep my account but shrinklady was being a good forum stewardess and removed my account as I had requested. My fault entirely!

Cat, no need to apologize. I was having a moment and I regret not being more brave and flexible so no worries. Yes the stigma is bad. It is my hope that it will turn around soon. Already it has turned around in the psych field for the most part. I am sure there are still those who are not kind about it but for the most part it's getting better.

Peng (I wrote this whole thing out to you only to have it disappear.) I have had Ts tell me not to talk about my past or just change the subject. I think some Ts literally can't take it. Actually I think most Ts can't but then also they get scared that you will somehow break so they try to stop it too. It's odd to me because I feel it is their job to help us threw this stuff. I hope you are able to work through this for yourself Peng. I hope your T does help you navigate through the past and I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. No one deserves to be abused etc.

Yes so far this new T seems good. She has a reputation for being a very good therapist. I have spoken about her to others and they all get enthusiastic and say she's great. I have no idea. Last night/this morning felt like she was there for me much more than I expected her to be. It was really nice to have her there like that. I have never had a T that texts. This one does. She is my age, maybe that's why. I have seen a lot of older Ts. But this gal is my age. She is very blunt. She does not mix words. I have to get used to her style but I think that once I do it will go well. She laughs a lot and smiles a lot too so that helps. I can tell she is super effing smart. lol. She says that I am smart too. That I have a lot to offer this world. Lately I feel so worthless and she told me that I may believe that but that it is not true and that she can see that I have so much to offer and that she would hold onto it until I too could see it. You know, one of those T pep talks.....

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