wow! this particular category sure is neglected! interesting.

anyway, tomorrow i meet with my PCP to discuss alcohol abuse and Naltraxone, a drug to help reduce cravings for alcohol. i'm embarassed and ashamed going into this appointment. T volunteered to discuss this with my PCP months ago and i finally agreed to letting him do so. SO, the cat's out of the bag and i'm more than a little nervous for tomorrow. happy thoughts are welcome and appreciated. <3
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((CLOSED DOORS)) Please, please, please, DO NOT be embarrassed or ashamed going to this appointment. Do you you have any clue as to how "STRONG YOU ARE" to admit this and want help? It takes a huge amount of strength to do what you are doing, and to step forward and work through this pain and struggle is enormous. I am so happy for you. Let us know how the appointment goes.
Congratulations (((CD))) hope the appointment goes well. I'm particularly interested in hearing about this drug!
s Morgs
oh! you guys, thanks for all the hugs and wonderful support! it means SO Much to me! i love you all!!!

the appointment went so well, and i'm SO relieved!!! a little background is that my PCP referred me to my T, who i've been seeing for 3 years this month. first it was weekly, then every 2 weeks, then monthly. i took a looooong break of 7 months (it was excruciating to say the least), and since my return about once a month, give or take.

so, a couple months ago after discovering that i've never discussed my drinking with my doctor, T offered to talk with my doc about my drinking. when he made the suggestion i nearly shriveled up into a ball of utmost shame, just the thought of my doc knowing i'm a boozer. T then said that the secrets and shame that i carry are ruining my life. this cut deep, but i needed to hear it. so, after about a month i told him to please go ahead and talk to my doctor, which he did (this arrangement was made because i was/am too ashamed of my alcohol abuse to bring it up).

well, it turns out T and my PCP are friends!! now, i know this is to my advantage, BUT that information about floored me, leaving me feeling like an outsider. it really is amazing the ways transference rears its ugly (but useful, too) head. this may be a topic for therapy.

my PCP has always had dreams of becoming a psychoanalyst, but decided to become a doctor instead, to challenge himself. so, now at the age of 51 (he is 6 months younger than i am) he is studying to become a psychoanalyst. how convenient for me!!?!???!?! Cool i've been seeing my PCP since 2000, so we have some history, which is also helpful. he rented space from my T while he was in T training, and that's how they became friends.

whew! sorry for being so long-winded, but i guess i'm a little excited Smiler

so i went in, feeling VERRRRY anxious and when i get anxious i shake and a frog jumps in my throat and i'm constantly clearing my throat and it's just not good. he's not a knocker, so he just comes in and he has a HUGE smile on his face, and shakes my hand and tells me (as he always does, minus the huge smile ... usually just a amiable kind of smile) how good it is to see me. THANK GOD he opened the discussion up. he said "T called me and he gave me some information. would you like to say more about that?" in TRUE T fashion! argh! Smiler so i gave him the quick story, and we had a really good conversation and he said alot of stuff that really put me at ease. like "i see this as a chronic condition, much like diabetes or a heart condition" and "you're not going to change overnight". we talked about AA (i found a church that is a methodist based church for every kind of recovery you can imagine ... alcohol, meth, gamblers, overeating, just out of prison, etc. and i'm really excited to get involved with them! Smiler).

i told him that i went to a women's only AA group there the last two weeks and met some nice people and got some phone numbers. i told him how i don't like to share because i start to feel overwhelmingly emotional, so i always just make it really quick before the floodgates open. and i told him that when i go to church services there and they start singing (this is anywhere, not just at this particular church), that i have to stop singing because my emotions just get away from me, and i have to stop singing in order to reel them in. he said that he sees emotions as another "sense", like seeing and hearing, that we have senses to both pick up information in the environment around us and tell us stuff, but also to protect us. i get what he's saying, but the feelings, to me, don't feel protective ... they make me feel vulnerable, if anything.

anyway, he was incredibly wonderful (why do you think i've been with him for 13 years? Smiler)! i'm SOOO glad i went and disclosed (well ... i guess i have to give T all the credit there Smiler)! he did some liver tests and i'll return in a month for more. he made it clear that if i am having problems either with the medication or with sticking with it, that he expects me to call and let him know, that we need to work together, as a team, on this.

he asked if i'll still be seeing T. I plan on going back. not as often as i wish. in part because of declining insurance benefits, and in part because i really often times feel like such a fool, because i don't have real goals and because i am so constipated in therapy both on a cognitive and emotional level. my PCP made it clear that he would not require me to see T. that's actually quite helpful to me, because i do tend to be quite stubborn when somebody tells me i HAVE to do something. pretty much 100% of the time it doesn't work out and i resist.

anyway, thanks again to all of you. i wasn't expecting the response i got mostly because this part of the forum doesn't get much attention. i'll have the prescription filled in the near future, and i will keep you wonderful people informed. i will still need your good thoughts, wishes, prayers ... whatever you got.

really, your support means more to me than you can imagine.

to all of you.
I'm so happy it went so well for you (((CD))) - wonderful that you have such caring, non-judgemental support - clearly it points to who you are! I'm going to try to kick the habit too but after my 65th in March - takes a while for me to work up to a decision!!!

So happy for you s
hey, (((morgsy))) i'm not that far behind you! Smiler
i'll keep you posted on the naltraxone. PCP said it works for about 87% of the folks that try it. so, i'm in for the duration. you'll hear from me on the results.

thanks again for your support, morgs. means mountains
(((pengs))) thanks for helping me keep things in perspective. can i ask what you mean about my PCP stting good boundaries? what did i write that indicated so? i need help in recognizing this.

it it difficult talking about this stuff, so thanks for recognizing that, and thanks for your support, pengs.
(((Pengs))) thank you for supporting our friend (((CD))) and to a lesser extent me. Your comments regarding CD's people were very thoughtful and I'm sure she appreciates them.
Like you, I'm so very happy she has such supportive professionals and to me it feels like a good thing that they're friends - she has such high regard for both.

When I put my hand up to give up the alcohol, I hope I have the guts to be open with my GP and my T - have a tendency to keep everyone isolated!!!!

s to you Pengs and of course to (((CD)))
Pengs, i think that's pretty insightful, and i really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. i guess i didn't put that much though into it, but there is potential for this to go awry, if for no other reason than my own stinking thoughts entering the picture about what's going on between the three of us. if i may be so vulnerable as to say i have had thoughts of them snickering, etc. about me (I KNOW they don't, but ...). i know these thoughts are transference-driven, so i just have to be as adult about this as possible.

i really like what you have to say about the way in which my doc has made clear that this is an entirely separate relationship from the one T and i share. thanks for illustrating that, it feels more special and intimate ... and safe.

sometimes there may be times your T or you PCP may take a position or a perceived position you might resent or struggle with and knowing that each relationship is to be negotiated in its own right strikes me as really important in getting what you need from different professionals

this illustrates another potential transference-driven mine field ... sort of being ganged-up on and having the perception that "they" are in the drivers seat because "they" are the authority and "they" call all the shots. it does help to view them as separate entities, it's much less threatening, and much less likely to create resentment on my part.

(((Pengs))) i really do appreciate your input. thanks so much for sharing

Morgs, yes i do have very high regard for them both, and appreciate them both to no end. oh, Morgs ... keeping people isolated is one of my "strong" points as well! hide for shame! we'll get through it, though, cuz we're not shameful beings. you'll do it when you're ready. lean on us if you need to!
Hi Closed Doors,

I know this original post is way back in January, but it caught my eye. I just got out of a detox center for abusing prescription opiates
The Dr wanted to put me on Naltrexone b/c it also reduces cravings for Opiates, but I am unsure. I was wondering if you could update me on how its going? And I hope your doing well...
(((kmay))) it is good to see you again! welcome back!

i have not continued with naltrexone. i was on the smallest dosage, and although it did seem to help with cravings at first, it never seemed to block the effect, and over time i'm not sure it helped much with cravings, either. i may consider giving it another shot if my doc will up the dosage. keep in mind, for me it's alcohol, and i've heard that there are mixed reviews for booze, but that naltrexone originally was used for opiate abuse. i guess i would encourage you to try it ... i don't think it could hurt anything.

Thank you! I am in an outpatient center now and some of the people who are on the naltrexone are having some bad side effects so I was leary. I actually don't have specific cravings for the problem is I would ingest anything that would numb me...blah. Well I've got 28 days off of everything right now so thats good. Anyways, thank you for your response. I'm glad to be back as well Smiler

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