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This is something I have been thinking alot about lately. When I was feeling a lot worse a couple of weeks ago, I desperately wanted to call T., but she has never said that I could do this or talked about it at all, so I didn't. This week she recommended an amazing book to me, I read it in one night, and I would love to call and leave a message about how much it meant to me. If she was anyone else, I would definitely do this, but because I don't really understand the boundaries of therapy- I am nervous about it. What do you think?
I never contact T2 outside of therapy other than a quick email or vm to reschedule and appointment.

I texted T1 a few times a week while she was on vacation over the long break recently. It was the first time I had ever texted her (nobody had cell phones back when I was seeing her in high school and we have only been working together again for two months now).

She told me she was so glad that I texted her because it made her feel good to keep up with what was going on in my life without having to waste 3 hours getting caught up on things when she got back. A lot happened in those two weeks in my life....mom wrote me off, friend committed suicide, another friend died of cancer, exhusband's girlfriend had their baby they conceived while we were together.....it was a lot I would have had to catch her up on! But since I was able to text, I kept her updated. I tried to keep my texts brief, concise, and to the point. and I made sure to give her a break by not replying to all of her texts so she didn't feel the pressure to keep the conversation going.
I've only contacted my T three times through e-mail since Feb of last year. She has always responded really quickly even on weekends and all. She has never said anything about my e-mails during sessions not has she suggested that I continue to e-mail or call her. I almost think she wants me to test my her boundaries on my own or something. I'm not really sure. I do know however that I'm scared to death of the day that she rejects the contact I do make outside of T. I'm so sorry MH!
in my 'what are the rules' session yesterday, she said (dbt therapy) that phone calls and emails were fine, that is considered 'a part' of our therapy. middle of the night calls, she didn't say were NOT ok, but i assured her that wouldn't be a problem.

she gave me her personal email, and asked me to email her the day before session, so i could get whatever i needed off my chest and sleep well (i thought that was gracious, and really appreciated it). i assured her i wouldn't abuse these things. being dbt, i think the rules are a little generous towards crisis and trauma, so, they are used to that.

i felt much better knowing the rules, so i would recommend asking, if you worry, like i do, about overstaying my welcome and irritating her.

just knowing i CAN call or email probably will make me do it less?? we'll see, but, i appreciate the rules being more lenient here.

t1, rarely, i think twice, after session on the drive home,
I would email OldT usually every other week until those last few weeks when I was in panic and fear and then I emailed him maybe twice a week and called once. I would rarely call him previously to those last 5 weeks because he was lousy on the phone. Most times I would hang up more upset than before. He was much more reassuring via email. I texted him only a few times... like maybe 5 times in the 3 years. He initiated some of those texts to me. He would also initiate emails sometimes.

NewT was very open about his policies on contact. He allows email and I have used that about 6 times over the past 3 months and I beeped him 3 times. He had told me to beep him if I need him right away and he also gave me his cell number. I know he has an iphone but not sure if he does texting... I haven't tried yet. He always tells me I have done the right thing by contacting him which helps a lot... especially these days when I am in crisis a lot.

MH... I am so so sorry your T did not return that last call and you were so upset. I would have been too. I am glad that your friend happened by and was able to comfort you in some way. I hope things work out with your T when you see her next.

TN

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