I definitely don't believe hating the therapist is a necessary condition of growth (though it may be for some people). I don't know how best to handle your mother, but when I read this I did have the little fantasy that you could say, "Well Mum, if you needed to hate your therapist, and that helped you to become less selfish, that's great. I'm focused on different things, probably because you and I have had different lives. But my therapy is private to me, and I prefer not to discuss it."

You KNOW the answer to that...!

And spending time with your FOO, when you are 24, and have been away a long time, it's hard... just hard...
My advice? Declare therapy as an off limits subject. Protect yourself and the relationship with your T.
love

It seems ironic to me that someone who spent years in therapy herself would voice these opinions. It makes me wonder if she has some conflict with herself over that, and perhaps to make it okay has adopted a view of the process that is strictly utilitarian.

That doesn't feel very human to me, but wanting attention and connection, liking, loving, and trusting somebody surely are.

I suppose it is possible, and probably better than nothing, to see therapy as an impersonal brain puzzle, an abstract sorting out of attachments, reactions, and pathologies. I sort of went into it with that mindset, but then I "fell for" my T, because of her kindness. I currently see my therapy as a way to connect with the better side of being human, which is all about appreciation, sharing, and relationship.

So, of course I like her. I'd have a really hard time doing this work with someone I didn't like.

My mother says there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just playing an elaborate game with my therapist. I reported this to my T and she doesn't think so. I think that made it easier for me to discount it. Maybe you could try talking over your mom's attitudes with your T, see if that brings some perspective?

What kind of T are you seeing now, if you don't mind me asking? I remember someone (I suppose it was you?) posting about ten years of psychoanalysis as a child, but I can't remember what happened after that.

No I don't think you should hate your therapist. If I hated mine I would not keep going back. Now when he says the hard things that I don't want to hear I hate him in that moment.

I hide the fact that I was in therapy for a long time from my FOO. My mom found out and I am sure the whole family knows by now. The topic however is off limits for discussion. Maybe you could try that? My mom will still say some rude comments about how weak people are in therapy and that you just pay someone to listen to you complain. (obviously she has never done counseling before, she would benefit from it though.)

I have never put my foot down with my FOO except this. If she tries to bring it up I just remove myself from the house or the room. I don't even respond anymore.

As HIC recommended I would bring this up with your T.

Thank you for your answer.

Sorry for the time it took me to process things. I just met the temporary back up T, which also triggered some... interesting feelings.

I sadly have to tell my FOO about the therapy because I am not financially independent yet (being a student, with student loans and a small job ... ) so... I must ask and negociate to be allowed to have money for therapy. They pay for it, so I can't ask for much more.

Though, indeed, avoiding to discuss the therapy further would be helpful, and I'll try to enforce that boundary a bit better. I am always tempted to talk about it because... my mother is basically the only person who remembers my childhood therapy. I have some feelings and memories from it slowly coming back, but so few... So I try to fish for some, knowing that she tends to misrepresent/dramatize a lot of it.

heldincompassion: you remember well, that was me. The therapist I am now seeing practices humanistic/relational/gestalt therapy... so while it has some links with psychoanalysis, the actual therapy is very different.

I stopped seeing the childhood therapist at the end of high school, because I felt we did not fit anymore (she wanted me to give up studying, and "accept I was a woman", which also included accepting that being gay was part of me being "not fine").

Since last year, I am trying to piece out what/how it was. I had accepted so much of it as holy truth.

cnfusdemotionally:

quote:

My mom will still say some rude comments about how weak people are in therapy and that you just pay someone to listen to you complain.

Sorry you have to deal with that as well. My mother manages to have been in therapy, and still say that, because "she grew out of therapy". Yay.
And... I wish I could bring it up with my T, but it's the one month summer break.

"About" I had such a Da JA Vu experience in your description about your mom. Sad to say, I was raised by an aunt who sounds just like her outlook on life. You so much have to believe in yourself and a better way of life. She must have had a rough bringing up herself...not to excuse anyone. But it's been $80,00 later and I'm just now learning how to treat myself with kindness and love. I hope you stay in therapy. I told my T last session that I might stay in therapy the rest of my life, if I want to.