Hi Shannon,

I love your screenname. That's a really tough question. How long does she stay over at your ex's on a typical visit? Is she going for overnight visits? If yes, maybe you could restrict the overnight visits until she's a year or two older? She's pretty young to make the choice herself but you should definitely NOT ignore her feelings. Can you talk to her about what is bothering her? You want her to feel as though you are listening to her and protecting her but then again, she needs to spend time with her Dad. Just my opinion. Best to consult with a therapist perhaps. And since you have such a good relationshiop with your ex, perhaps you can talk to him as well.

My opinion (only since you asked)...I think they are too young to decide for themselves. I'm married and in my experience watching my kids grow up I can see them sometimes leaning more toward one parent for a while and then swaying back to the other. Also depending on the activities that they are doing they prefer doing some things with their father and other things with me. When they were really young my eldest son had a preference to me while my youngest had a preference to his father. I happened to have been in an accident when my youngest son was 3mths old, so I couldn't do as much with my youngest son. My H had to take care of him a lot more than he had to take care of my eldest son. Perhaps that is were the bond developed? Today they are more comfortable with me in certain things and my H in other things. There is no favourite parent, although they do prefer going to the shop with their father because they are more inclined to get what they want . I think children ideally need interaction with both parents. The word "no" is also something that they NEED to hear. There are boundaries and they need to conform to those boundaries. Unless you are trying to protect them from something happening at your ex's house I don't think they should be given the option. They should be taught to treat both parents with equal respect, and be careful to not allow them to manipulate you. I think for me it is kind of like disciplining children. We don't like doing it, but if we don't, we end up raising brats. You could look at the situation of making them eat fruit and vegetables - they may not like it, but that is what they need.

I think you know what what your children need. The easy option is not always the right option.

B2W

Thank you Liese and born2write. They really need to be together wherever they are. My son gets more attention from his dad when he is alone with him and I think that is why he wants to be over there without his bothersome little sister. I wasn't working when I had my daughter and I think we bonded more because of that. I need to work on bonding with my son too.

I am a child of divorced parents.

My suggestion is, just that do not make a pressure on your son, because you want to bond with him more. It will come to that naturally, and the boy is in the age, when he needs his father maybe even more than you right now. And I do think that they both need their dad and you sometimes seperatly, and sometimes all together if you know what I mean.

Nice hearing from you!

Thanks ninna,
I'm also a child of divorced paren ts and I didn't have a choice, I rarely saw my dad. I think the kids should have some say, and I think you're right, I think my son just needs his dad right now, I'm sure it will change through the years.