This is directly from a piece of literature from Al-anon, that I found in their book that is geared more toward ACOA. As drinking was not the primary problem I grew up with, drugs were, early on in my program work, I was taught that anywhere the word "alcohol or drinking" were used, I could insert "addictions or drugging" instead.

quote:

Al-Anon is for families, relatives, and friends whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking (addictions). If someone close to you, such as a family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor, has or has had a drinking (addiction) problem, the following questions may help you determine if Al-Anon is for you.

1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?

2. Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?

3. Do you fear criticism?

4. Do you overextend yourself?

5. Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?

6. Do you have a need for perfection?

7. Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?

8. Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?

9. Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker (addict) in your life?

10. Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?

11. Do you isolate yourself from other people?

12. Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?

13. Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?

14. Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?

15. Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker (addict)?

16. Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abusive?

17. Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?

18. Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?

19. Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions?

20. Do you think someone’s drinking (addiction) may have affected you?

Alcoholism (Addiction) is a family disease. Those of us who have lived with this disease as children sometimes have problems which the Al-Anon program can help us to resolve.

(From Survival To Recovery: growing up in an alcoholic home (book) and "Did you grow up with a problem drinker?" pamphlet - Al-anon, and available online.)


Maybe this will be helpful for anyone wondering if they "qualify" for ACOA?

Also, a side note - from my understanding (and please correct me if I am wrong!) AA was the "birth" of the 12 steps of recovery. From there, Al-anon was born, and they adopted the 12 steps nearly verbatim, changing 2 words, I believe. All the other recovery groups (NA, OA, CA, ACOA, GA, etc) stem from the original 12 steps and have adapted them for their purpose. So while I went to Al-anon, I could still easily go to ACOA meetings if I so chose, even though my parents weren't the drinkers, they were and are the druggies, instead.
Original Post
I can relate to all of those...except my parents both quit drinking when I was very young (Dad in early elementary school, mom in early junior high). I guess my mom moved onto relationship/sex addiction, because she dated (polite term) dozens of men during my childhood, bringing them in and out of my life. She's also addicted to shopping and collecting things (low level hoarder). I would still feel weird attending, though. I don't think those things are the same as someone with a substance problem. Some of the behavior patterns may be the same and her mood swings were almost LIKE she was on something, but I imagine having a chemically dependent parent is so much worse.
Here is the thing Yaku... just because someone stops "using" they aren't recovered. The term "dry drunk" comes from a former drinker, who isn't drinking, but never sought recovery from the behaviors that led to the drinking, or at least that is my understanding of it. I'm still (in my mind) new to recovery, only being involved with Al-anon for a few years. All I know is when I couldn't afford therapy, the $1 for each meeting I attended was WELL worth it, even though my parents don't drink, they drug instead. Al-anon meetings are pretty open, if you think you should be there, you are welcome to go. They really don't turn people away!
Thanks. That's good to know. I guess, I feel like I don't have memories of them drinking, because I was young and my mom worked nights in piano bars (she's a pianist), so I wasn't really exposed to it at all...except that she meets pretty much every boyfriend/husband at work, so they are all pretty much drinkers. I will keep it in mind. Smiler
Our church had a Celebrate Recovery group years ago, but I don't think we do anymore. I also have to figure out how much time I can dedicate to this kind of thing without taking away too much from my family.
So while I went to Al-anon, I could still easily go to ACOA meetings if I so chose, even though my parents weren't the drinkers, they were and are the druggies, instead.[/QUOTE]

ACOA would not be a good fit for you.
There is a 12 step program called Nar-anon, the co-dependent recovery group for Narcotics Anonymous. You would fit right in at Nar-anon here is their website:
http://nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html
quote:
Originally posted by Room2Grow:
The term "dry drunk" comes from a former drinker, who isn't drinking, but never sought recovery from the behaviors that led to the drinking,


Room2Grow, you are right a dry drunk is someone who has stopped drinking but has no recovery. Therefore, the dry drunk is still in his disease because his thinking has not changed, and his behavior is still poor. Think of a person with a constant hangover, grouchy, angry, generally difficult to be around.
hi i grew up with an alcoholic dad and now i desteroy my relationships with women i get attached to by seeing every argument as a break up issue untill a few days pass and then i talk. i cannot figure out why i do it or how to stop, any ideas
This is good to know, and comforting to read. I fit it most of the described points. I had never really thought about my Dad's drinking as a potential trigger/cause for my issues.

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