Thanks TN for sharing that article...it's extremely helpful in explaining a lot of things I experience. I especially wish I could make my former T read it so he might understand why I was so "oversensitive" to the disapproval on his face in that last session...why I couldn't stop crying, why I couldn't think, why I wanted to hide...the intense shame I felt...I could tell he was exasperated and frustrated at my reaction...I wish he would have understood...it was the same terror I had of my mother's anger.

Thanks again -
SG

quote:

I especially wish I could make my former T read it so he might understand why I was so "oversensitive" to the disapproval on his face in that last session...why I couldn't stop crying, why I couldn't think, why I wanted to hide...the intense shame I felt...I could tell he was exasperated and frustrated at my reaction...I wish he would have understood...it was the same terror I had of my mother's anger.

I could have written the exact same words about my oldT. They just didn't get it at all. What a shame. So much pain caused by incompetence. The thing is that I gave this article to oldT to read... but of course he never read anything I gave him and so...

I'm glad you found it helpful.

TN

Hi TN,

Thank you for that link on C PTSD. I found it very helpful plus his site has more info on the left of his main page which is also quite good.

Thanks once more,

tn, really good article. thanks. i printed it out and am giving it to my dbt gal, don't want to insult her, and i am not one to have ever given an article to a t, but this is really good, and i think points to the empathy needed from a t to really heal.

i hope i have one who can go the distance. but this article helped me. and even today, a really bad, bad spiral. and i think i found some of the pulling yourself out tools in here helpful.

a long road that c-ptsd weaves...the subtle, and not so subtle reaches of this insidiously 'innocent' monster. nothing 'much' to hang your hat on, just a lifetime of trauma...you know what i mean if you've been there.

thanks, tn. jill

Unfortunately, I do know what you mean Jill. And I do hope you give this to your DBT gal and she pays attention to it. I had given it to my oldT but unfortunately he didn't pay much attention to it. I think the steps at the end are helpful and I'm glad you found them to help you too. I had asked him if he thought we could use any of them in our work... never got an answer on that one but perhaps by then our relationship was already doomed.

I'm sorry you had a bad bad day. Hugs to you.

TN

I'm curious if people who experience these flashbacks ever do so in the context of dreams. For example, do these long buried memories and the feelings tied to them ever come into consciousness during dreams? It would seem to make sense since our conscious defenses are down at that time.

Good article, TN.

Russ

Yes, Russ...I have the same occasional recurring dream where instead of reacting to my mother or father with terror and shame, I react with anger, really let them have it verbally, just scream at them...and the more oblivious they behave, the angrier I get...and I wake up feeling SO very good, like something has been purged. But then the feeling fades within about a day...these are the only times I've been able to access the anger I have at them. Good question, Russ!

SG

quote:

Originally posted by Strummergirl:
...I react with anger, really let them have it verbally, just scream at them...

Hi SG,

Me too, and for me it's always at my father. In fact, I had another one last night...my father is there and I'm just furious beyond words and yelling at him. I can't remember what I say, but I feel totally justified about it.

deepfried,

Interesting. If you think about dreams as you showing your self a kind of truth that you aren't allowed to see or feel consciously I think they're a little easier to understand.

Russ

Hi Russ

I have nightmares several times a week. They all start as different dreams but nearly all end up the same way with an ending identical to my SA. The weird thing is that I am sometimes aware in the dream of how it is going to end, feel that sickening dread but am powerless to change it. Occasionally I can wake myself up, but not often. Other dreams carry similar themes When I took antidepressants, the nightmares were considerably worse...I still have vivid pictures of some of them years later.

Thanks for the original article too TN,

starfish

Thanks for this link to this article on C-PSTD.
The feelings of worthlessness, shame, fear, are hard to exlain but I believe what is happening to me before I occasionally self injure is an emotional flashback without the memories and images. I have never really heard of a flashback being decribed in this way. I have flashbacks because of an abusive marriage which began at 19. I had a great childhood, but was still a kid when I met my husband, so he kind of took over as the parent I think. He was much older than me. I think I will discuss the
idea of an "emotional flashback" as what comes over me at times.

I asked both my T and my Pdoc about emotional flashbacks. They seemed unfamiliar with the term. I explained to them that I think this is whats happening to me sometimes. I just got a blank look....Shouldn't they know this stuff?
They both deal with trauma. Makes me wonder sometimes if we know more than they do. Just get on the internet docs.