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I am wondering how many of you have had traumas in adulthood that ended up being the catalyst for you to seek therapy. Either one or several large traumas or a series of smaller (complex) traumas.

I'll start off:
1. Encounter with a sociopath
2. Divorce (a compassionate but sad one)
3. Other losses
4. Going back to school/financial hardships
5. A few injuries and accidents

all happening within a short period of time.

I'm also curious as to whether we have more or less resilience in adulthood, or if it matters, if it is a highly individual thing, etc...

Thanks!
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Hey number9. Thats a lovely question Smiler

What happened to me was a succession of things. I'll make it as short as I can. About 4 years ago I lived in London. Had a full-time, call centre job. Two things happened that sparked a lot of chaos. Only now I'm relaxing a bit more because I have a good base.

I met someone whom I fell for and whom I could not be with. At the same time I got pretty much obsessed with conspiracy theories to match my underlying negative and child-lost view of the world.

After these two things came together, I started hating my job, felt I'd never meet someone, fears were all sparked of being a failure. I started up numerous courses and jobs below my skill level because depression ensued.

What nipped it in the bud was that I'd started yet another job below my skill level (Depression made me demotivated, lost, and fearful) and I quit. This must have been the 5th job in a year I quit. I was distraught. I was trying so hard to start up, only to be knocked back, it felt. I went to my Doctors. They prescribed AD and gave me the name of the clinic I go to now.

Because my emotions were so up and down, when I was on an 'up' moment, I said to myself 'No, I don't need therapy' and on a 'down' moment, I said 'Yes I do need therapy'. I handed in my first assessment application to the clinic but didn't follow it through. The second time, I did thankfully and am in therapy for my 7th month running.

So in short, what sparked me off was definitely financial hardship but also, a congregation of everything I was trying to work out in myself about myself and couldn't. Therapy has made me see more clear of myself than ever before. Smiler

quote:
I'm also curious as to whether we have more or less resilience in adulthood, or if it matters, if it is a highly individual thing, etc...


This is a good question. I'm trying to depict a 'birds eye view' of myself here. Hmmm...I'm uncertain as to how much resilience I have. I think I have a lot of resilience but also I keep myself in solitude a lot of the time. I'm starting (I think) to try and get out there but I'm unsure. I've definitely broken down some boundaries...My emotional sensitivity though is another thing. Being emotionally sensitive is fine but it's how I deal with them in that moment and I don't deal with them well at all. I go into 'escapist' mode. In that sense, I've not got worse or better, I've simply recognized what I'm like with despairing emotions and I'm not good with them at all. I will run and run as far as I can. I will screw things up majorly.

I have determination though and I think if one has will and determination, things can only get better, however much time it takes.
I also wanted to add one more question: Have you ever experienced guilt.. thinking that others have it worse, what am I whining about, etc?

- Yes, definitely. I've told myself 'You have a place to live, food on the table, a mind to think with, life to live, why are you complaining? Get through it, come on!'. I realize now though that every situation is relative to it's own circumstances and emotions are very valid and they count for something and it's okay to suffer. I've become more compassionate with myself since I've been in therapy I think. I've relaxed into myself a bit more.

Or were you compassionate with yourself? Or both?

Do you feel stronger now, because of the traumatic incidents?
- I feel stronger in the sense of becoming into who I am maybe and accepting who I am and grasping my abilities and having the will to create direction with them rather than simply daydreaming and procrastinating. But emotionally I still have lots of work to do. I still run from things so easily. I am not resilient emotionally. I hide away rather than fight the cause.
Thanks for responding to this!

Alpaca:

quote:
Of course what I realized after entering therapy is that I also had antecedent, developmental traumas which made me more vulnerable to these subsequent things.


Me too. That has helped me figure out a lot.


Forgetmenot:
quote:
I'm trying to depict a 'birds eye view' of myself here. Hmmm...I'm uncertain as to how much resilience I have. I think I have a lot of resilience but also I keep myself in solitude a lot of the time. I'm starting (I think) to try and get out there but I'm unsure.


Yes, me too. I'm resilient in terms of being a better recluse or "loner"- I do well, am strong that way, but not so good in connecting to others as of late. I just don't want to put forth the effort and get the same disappointing results.

quote:
I've told myself 'You have a place to live, food on the table, a mind to think with, life to live, why are you complaining? Get through it, come on!'. I realize now though that every situation is relative to it's own circumstances and emotions are very valid and they count for something and it's okay to suffer. I've become more compassionate with myself since I've been in therapy I think. I've relaxed into myself a bit more.


I agree. Compassion begets more compassion. I can't even imagine trying to impose guilt on someone by telling them that "others have it worse, stop whining, etc." But people do that, and it accomplishes nothing. It doesn't help the
person that hears it, the person that is saying it (although it may help them feel better temporarily) and it doesn't help those that have it worse than we do. Being acknowledged, being compassionate with ourselves and others, helps everyone.
I initially went into therapy, because a very devastating thing happened with my H. Well, to be honest, I went because H was in therapy and his therapist (now mine) kept telling him there was no way I could be as OK as H described me being and that he thought it was a good idea if I saw someone, if only for a few sessions. And he tried to refer me to some lady, but I had a bad experience just trying to talk to her on the phone about her rates and I had already met T a few times at some of H's sessions I attended, so that is how I ended up in therapy in the first place. I struggled (and still do) so much with the idea that all my responses and feelings both to that adult triggering and the childhood stuff that I buried were such an overreaction. T noticed me as highly dissociative by our third session together and it has been...interesting ever since. Honestly, if you had asked me before that if the word "trauma" could ever apply to anything I had experienced, I would have said no. But, it was basically like I lived in one room of a house and that one room I kept immaculate and I never went out of it and had all my meals delivered to that "cell" and put the plates and garbage out for someone else to take away. But, if I had ever wandered out into the hall and into the rest of the house, I couldn't have escaped seeing it was such a mess inside. So, that is what I think therapy did. It made me leave my room and go throughout the house and realize what a mess had been made. I am still realizing it and it's awful and I can only keep hoping that it gets better as you go through it, take out the garbage messages, clean off the stuff that got dirty, fix the stuff that got broken, and put things in a place where they can live permanently and be accessed safely without causing an earthquake and messing up the whole house again. That's what my experience of adult trauma ended up being...a journey that led me to the person that you are all getting to know on here. Sorry if I'm a bit disjointed. It's really hard to write right now.
My adult traumas are what sent me to therapy. I don't really want to list them all, but it ended in (my first, and hopefully only) attempt at my life kind of out of nowhere, many weeks in the hospital and then on my Ts doorstep.

I experienced a ton of guilt, and anger at myself for a number of reasons, the least was what I felt "broke me" wasn't that big a deal - I'm ferociously independent and it felt humiliating. I thought I MIGHT need therapy in the future for one particular childhood trauma but otherwise figured I was fine. I wasn't compassionate with myself. I don't feel stronger because of my adult stuff but I realize I had a limited capacity to deal with it because of my vulnerabilities/childhood traumas from when I was younger, like Alpaca is saying.

Looking back on who I was I can see very much that therapy was a great choice and though the circumstances it happened under were awful I'm thankful they happened.
quote:
I experienced a ton of guilt, and anger at myself for a number of reasons, the least was what I felt "broke me" wasn't that big a deal - I'm ferociously independent and it felt humiliating. I thought I MIGHT need therapy in the future for one particular childhood trauma but otherwise figured I was fine. I wasn't compassionate with myself. I don't feel stronger because of my adult stuff but I realize I had a limited capacity to deal with it because of my vulnerabilities/childhood traumas from when I was younger, like Alpaca is saying.


Yes! The things that happened to us recently are like a "catalyst", aren't they?

And yes, whatever led us to therapy is a good thing. I would even go as far to say that there are many, many people that have never considered therapy that would benefit greatly from it. I do see strength here, by the way.

Thanks for your post, sorry it took me so long to respond! Smiler
(((guest)))

You seem to be going through a tough time. . . or at least feeling pretty down. Wanted to send some gentle support and hugs, if okay.

I can relate to the feeling of not deserving compassion (despite my username, lol)-- that somehow *I* should be tough enough, or smart enough, or "good" enough to be able to assimilate negative experiences without being damaged by them. Learning to relate to oneself differently is hard.
Hello again guest,

I hope you will continue to write here on the forum if it helps at all. It's not the same as interacting with people in real life, I know, but maybe sometimes just putting your thoughts out there can make a small difference? At any rate, I enjoy reading your posts and find them insightful and interesting.

Sorry to hear your therapy ended. If you start again, will you have to look for a new T or is your previous one still around?

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