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quote:
Originally posted by Draggers:
yep,my T has told me she loves me...it was the worst thing she could have ever done Frowner I've been confused about our relationship ever since and worried about losing that love from her.


I had never considered that it could be a bad thing. Can you say more about that, Draggers? What was the conversation about when she told you that she loved you?
My T has never told me he loves me, but he has spoken of our relationship as a loving one and also talked about my experiencing the relationship from both sides because of my phone work and knowing that there is real care and depth of emotion even when a client doesn't get to see it. Besides, if what he's doing isn't love, I don't know what love looks like. Big Grin
quote:
I do wonder sometimes if T's feel closer to some clients than others. I would think it would be hard not to have preferences, but who knows. Naturally, I'm her favorite.


STRM,
I do think that T's feel closer to some clients than others for various reasons. It could be that they have a longer history with some clients, that they share similar ideals and values as particular clients, that they see them more often and are a bigger part of their life, and perhaps they even identify with some of the issues that the client is dealing with.

I do believe that I am one of T1's favorites...but I don't know if she loves me.
LG,

Hope you don't mind me asking these questions. Don't stress if you don't want to answer. Is it confusing having two T's? Just wondering if you felt that way about your parents, that you felt loved by one sometimes but the other could never love you?

STRM, I think it's so sweet that Little Kate told your T that she loves her. I also think it's touching that you weren't pleased with her saying so.
lg, hmmm, interesting. i agree with ag that there is love in doing what they do, i guess that is what love looks like. kind of a love of humanity, in a broader sense. and strm, the different feelings to different clients.

for me? have any of them loved me? i think t1 did in a certain way. he would tell me he prays for me. and there was a distance, that, strangely, pointed out his countertransference.

none of the others, i would say.

Dr. PA? i think he is quite fond of me in a fatherly way. but, he may be doing the 'carl rogers' thing. i can't tell. he has no reason not to like me though.

i don't intend to invalidate any of yall's 'felt love', and i am sure it exists, with the right connection of t to c, and in longer term therapies. but, i don't see, other than a deep, specific, humankind 'love', anything like that happening for me. a parental type love.

but, i do love them, at the time. most of them. in a dependant, childish love.

jill
quote:
I think there are all types of love but... connecting with people in general is a form of love, in my opinion. I love MANY people, from strangers to friends. I think any time I can resonate with someone it's "love".


DF
I love what you have written here. Love is so difficult to define and has many forms. The love we feel in therapy....it is real and yet so difficult to compare to any other relationship we have in our life, and I think because we have such difficulty comparing it to other relationships, we begin to doubt that it is real. Somehow we feel that if we haven't it experienced it with anyone else, it must not be real. Yet it is so real.
quote:
I feel loved by my T...in a practical sense, in that he does what is best for my welfare, to the best of his ability. He told me last year that he cares for me, worries about me and loves me 'as a child of God'. Been wondering about that ever since. Was it a way to say something important but with the protection of a...disclaimer of some sort?


Yes, I do think it was a disclaimer of sort...to make it safer for you to hear, to make it safer to say perhaps. But I do think that was his way of safely telling you that he loves you without having to fully commit to the intensity of it.
I am in such a different place right now.

I am working through some deep transference stuff and am struggling to think that my therapist even likes me. It was really hard but I told him that last session that I think I have ruined what working relationship we had with all my anger, dislike and emotions of late. That I have been coming too long and he just wants me out of his practice. We talked about it a bit and he did question me about whose thoughts these really are, but interestingly he never denied it.....

In the past my therapist has said that we have a deep intimate relationship. Some how I don't feel it.

I did have an interesting experience lately on a related issue. We were talking about my fears that I have ruined the relationship that we had. He told me it was the opposite he was honoured that I would do this work with him. That I would trust him enough to work through these really hard things with him.

CNC
Last edited by cnc
quote:
Originally posted by CNC:


In the past my therapist has said that we have a deep intimate relationship. Some how I don't feel it.



CNC,
I am wondering if it is more that you don't believe it than you not being able to feel it? Sorry if that doesn't make sense. I am thinking that perhaps you do feel it but cannot trust your emotions and need something more tangible as evidence of the intimacy between you two such as words, declarations of the connection, etc.
Hello all. I'm new here. This site has been so helpful to me. Thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences in therapy.

I have shared this in another thread. My T told me that she loves me. It happened the day I was telling her that I have a problem believing anyone loves me. I told her that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my children love me but beyond that, I question if others do. I'm not sure if my siblings love me and I'm not sure if my friends love me. I know my parents loved me (both deceased).

T very pointedly said, "I love you, IrishRose."

When she said those words to me, I did not know what to think, do, or say. I couldn't even look at T. I had an immediate jumble of thoughts and feelings all at once, from feeling - loved - to feeling uncomfortable. I so wanted to say, "I love you too" but I couldn't say it. I sat there, frozen.
I find this a very interesting discussion, as it is something that is on my mind a lot. My T is somewhat distant and cool most of the time, but sometimes she suddenly start behaving differently. More mumsy, warmer... usually, those are the moment I experience problems with the boundaries that should be there. Nevertheless, I'd love to hear her say 'I love you'. Two things though.

One, in my mother tongue the equivalent of 'I love you' is only used between lovers and occasionally between parents/children. It would be weird for a T to say it to a patient, that's for sure. I can't come up with an equivalent that would be appropriate in such a relationship. However, it would mean the world to me if she did tell me that she loves me. Obviously, she hasn't. If I allow myself to accept it, I can feel that she cares about me.

But, two, I find it very useful to think about these things from the Ts points of view. Although I'd love for my T to love me, I can see how it borders on something impossible for the T. Forming too deep an attachment to someone who will likely 'go their own way', could potentially be very difficult for the T. I've experienced something similar as a teacher. Although I did care a lot about my students, I had to keep some sort of distance in order to be able to stay sane and live my own life outside school hours. Loving a student would mean I wouldn't be able to stay detached when it concerned issues that were not mine to help the student deal with. Also, inevitably, students as well as patients, move on. To have someone that you love disappear would, I imagine, hurt. That might be ok once or twice, but not with every patient, year in year out.

I apologise if this is slightly off topic!

May
I don't think mine know my name if it isn't written on top of their paperwork. It would take awhile for me to think they liked me. I do not feel like I am me while I am in there with either of them, so it is not like I think they know enough to decide whether to like me or not. I mean, it is not like I act with them the way I do in real life because of the nature of the situation. It seems so artificial.

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