Scanning his body-
When he does this- it is usually to a question that he has to think deeply before he responds.
He holds his memories and information in his body, and he is thinking or connecting to how he feels about what I have asked before he responds.
Something like that.
I will see him tomorrow- yea! so I will ask him if that is accurate. It has to do with how he processes information.
This one is funny to watch. My T is short. He sometimes picks up his feet and taps them together off the floor and looks at them. He looks like this little boy sitting in a chair thats too big for him. It really cracks me up.
Lately he has been sitting on his very uncomfortable couch across from me with me sitting higher than him in a chair about 4 feet away. I have told him umpteen times he needs a new couch. It hurts my back! Plus, who knows how clean it is...yuck. He used to sit in a chair across from me. I wonder why he has changed his seating arrangement? Is it to make me feel more confident sitting in a more commanding position. Is it to make me feel more relaxed?
Lately he has been sitting on his very uncomfortable couch across from me with me sitting higher than him in a chair about 4 feet away. I have told him umpteen times he needs a new couch. It hurts my back! Plus, who knows how clean it is...yuck. He used to sit in a chair across from me. I wonder why he has changed his seating arrangement? Is it to make me feel more confident sitting in a more commanding position. Is it to make me feel more relaxed?
lizzygirl
I think the change of position or seating can really throw you. Sometimes my T sits in a different chair and I want to tell her that it feels all wrong but rarely do. Usually after a while I get used to it and don't notice again - until she moves again of course!
starfish
I think the change of position or seating can really throw you. Sometimes my T sits in a different chair and I want to tell her that it feels all wrong but rarely do. Usually after a while I get used to it and don't notice again - until she moves again of course!
starfish
Hi Lizzygirl - do you think your T changed the seating because he knew you were uncomfortable on the couch? I wonder if it's a case of him hearing something that you need or want, and giving it to you. What do you think?
J
J
Well no on him relinguishing the chair to me because he has another chair opposite the other one. We used to sit facing each other.
Now he kind of half lays on the couch because its so soft its hard to sit upright. This is probably too silly to even make an issue of.
All I know is he needs a new couch...I suggested leather.
Now he kind of half lays on the couch because its so soft its hard to sit upright. This is probably too silly to even make an issue of.
All I know is he needs a new couch...I suggested leather.
lizzygirl, I can identify with what you say. My T has the most awful couch ever. I sat there for the first few sessions and then moved to the only other chair in the room which is right across from him and much closer to him than the couch. Whenever I sit on the couch I feel like I'm sitting in a hole. It's just too saggy and old. Do all T's have such awful furniture? The couches in the reception area are even worse.
TN
TN
My T too, has the bestest office and waiting room.
I just went to his real office for the first time this week. I had been going to his rented space office that he shares with other t's but this week, at a different location- his real office decorated by him- I think; is absolutely wonderful. It has everything I need.
I don't want ot go on and on, so I will post on the thread about the T's office. I have changed the time of my my appointment just to go to his exclusive office (not shared)
I just went to his real office for the first time this week. I had been going to his rented space office that he shares with other t's but this week, at a different location- his real office decorated by him- I think; is absolutely wonderful. It has everything I need.
I don't want ot go on and on, so I will post on the thread about the T's office. I have changed the time of my my appointment just to go to his exclusive office (not shared)
I said the same thing to T, "its like sinking into a hole, now that can't be therapeutic, we already feel like that" He said he would think about it.
Now my P has beautiful furniture, of course he makes the big bucks.
Now my P has beautiful furniture, of course he makes the big bucks.
Nothing unique about the furniture in my therapist's lobby or office. It's comfortable. I don't get the sense that she is making a fortune doing what she does and that she struggles, as do I, just to make a living and prepare for the future.
She comes down a long hallway from her office to meet me, then I follow her back to her office. She stands outside the door to allow me to enter. Passing by her and through the door in that fashion makes me very uncomfortable. My issue. I like her very much as we have a lot in common. She keeps her eyes on me pretty consistently and only looks away when trying to gather a thought or remember a detail. I first started therapy for family reasons, thus sessions were not necessarily focused on me. Once those issues were resolved, I continued with therapy. It took me a long time to start to talk, and I seldom look her in the eyes unless I am talking about something fairly generic, or when she is saying something to me, as I don't want to miss anything. When I am trying to bring things up, I look almost anywhere but at her. I guess I am afraid she will look right into my soul. Again, when leaving, I have to pass by her.
She comes down a long hallway from her office to meet me, then I follow her back to her office. She stands outside the door to allow me to enter. Passing by her and through the door in that fashion makes me very uncomfortable. My issue. I like her very much as we have a lot in common. She keeps her eyes on me pretty consistently and only looks away when trying to gather a thought or remember a detail. I first started therapy for family reasons, thus sessions were not necessarily focused on me. Once those issues were resolved, I continued with therapy. It took me a long time to start to talk, and I seldom look her in the eyes unless I am talking about something fairly generic, or when she is saying something to me, as I don't want to miss anything. When I am trying to bring things up, I look almost anywhere but at her. I guess I am afraid she will look right into my soul. Again, when leaving, I have to pass by her.
Hi Koi!
Welcome to the boards!
I have to comment on this:
I could have written this myself. I feel 'exactly' the same way with my T. Especially where you said that when you bring things up you look almost anywhere but right at her because you're afraid she can see right into your soul. I feel like that's just what my T can do when she looks into my eyes is see into my soul. I HATE THAT. It feels so personal and scary I just can't bear it, especially if what I want to bring up has to do with my relationship with my T. So hard...
Anyway, I look forward to more posts from you!
MTF
Welcome to the boards!
I have to comment on this:
quote:I seldom look her in the eyes unless I am talking about something fairly generic, or when she is saying something to me, as I don't want to miss anything. When I am trying to bring things up, I look almost anywhere but at her. I guess I am afraid she will look right into my soul.
I could have written this myself. I feel 'exactly' the same way with my T. Especially where you said that when you bring things up you look almost anywhere but right at her because you're afraid she can see right into your soul. I feel like that's just what my T can do when she looks into my eyes is see into my soul. I HATE THAT. It feels so personal and scary I just can't bear it, especially if what I want to bring up has to do with my relationship with my T. So hard...
Anyway, I look forward to more posts from you!
MTF
Very nice to meet you, Monte and More Than Fine. It feels good to find others who feel as I do. I am not even sure I would be able to speak about personal stuff if I were looking into my therapist's eyes.
Monte's comments about the small talk on the way to the office are on the mark too. It seems pretty counterintuitive to me that after she asks "how are you" and I answer "I'm fine, I then spend the next 50 minutes talking about why I am not fine. That's a laugh.
I'm not able talk to my therapist about the relationship. Those words don't form. I suppose it will be good when I can. I have a hard enough time pulling up things about myself while there.
Thank you for the welcome and the supportive reply. I look forward to future posts.
Koi
I am not even sure I would be able to speak about personal stuff if I were looking into my therapist's eyes. Monte's comments about the small talk on the way to the office are on the mark too. It seems pretty counterintuitive to me that after she asks "how are you" and I answer "I'm fine, I then spend the next 50 minutes talking about why I am not fine. That's a laugh.
I'm not able talk to my therapist about the relationship. Those words don't form. I suppose it will be good when I can. I have a hard enough time pulling up things about myself while there.
Thank you for the welcome and the supportive reply. I look forward to future posts.
Koi
Hi Koi!
Welcome to the boards.
We have many smart intuitive and sensitive people here. In most situations, someone will be able to relate to your plight.
I never really thought about the small talk, but you are so right.
In my t's other office, the therapy room and the waiting room were connected- open the door and wa-la therapy room, but now it is down a hall, and I think around a corner, and I did notice the small talk thing. So much more uncomfortable at the end of the session, wow.
thanks for your insights!
Welcome to the boards.
We have many smart intuitive and sensitive people here. In most situations, someone will be able to relate to your plight.
I never really thought about the small talk, but you are so right.
In my t's other office, the therapy room and the waiting room were connected- open the door and wa-la therapy room, but now it is down a hall, and I think around a corner, and I did notice the small talk thing. So much more uncomfortable at the end of the session, wow.
thanks for your insights!
Hi Koi and welcome,
Good to have you here with us
I love the small talk at the start of our session, we often have a 5 minute catch up on what's been happening outside of therapy, it sometimes relaxes me when I feel nervous and calms the 'want to run' urge.
Oh and she also always lets me in the door first
starfish
Good to have you here with us
I love the small talk at the start of our session, we often have a 5 minute catch up on what's been happening outside of therapy, it sometimes relaxes me when I feel nervous and calms the 'want to run' urge.
Oh and she also always lets me in the door first
starfish
Hi All -
I have been lurking for quite some time now, but am now taking the plunge into posting...
I find this topic of body language very interesting and thought I would spin it around.
How do you think your T interprets your body language? I have major issues with eye contact, fidgeting, wringing my hands... Once T made a comment, 'Oh if only your hands could talk.'
I am sure T is constantly analyzing my body language, trying to figure me out (am nearly nonverbal most sessions), but I wish she would share her thoughts with me on what she thinks my hands are saying... 'cause I am not so sure myself.
I have been lurking for quite some time now, but am now taking the plunge into posting...
I find this topic of body language very interesting and thought I would spin it around.
How do you think your T interprets your body language? I have major issues with eye contact, fidgeting, wringing my hands... Once T made a comment, 'Oh if only your hands could talk.'
I am sure T is constantly analyzing my body language, trying to figure me out (am nearly nonverbal most sessions), but I wish she would share her thoughts with me on what she thinks my hands are saying... 'cause I am not so sure myself.
Welcome Koi and FlamingoDomingo!
Yes, I know that my T watches my body language very intently. She works on a body level so keeping an eye on what subtle movements my body is making is part of the work that she does. She almost always figures out what I am saying without really saying it.
Yes, I know that my T watches my body language very intently. She works on a body level so keeping an eye on what subtle movements my body is making is part of the work that she does. She almost always figures out what I am saying without really saying it.
Hi Flamingo-
Glad you decided to join in. My first comment was yesterday and everyone was very nice and made me feel welcome.
I like your comments. I have been very nonverbal much of the time also. I just didn't know what to say. Sometimes I am very fidgety too. I worried that my silence made my T uncomfortable. She said once, "I know this is difficult for you", but she didn't press me to talk. She has been very patient. And she always tells me at the end of each session to come back whenever I feel like it. I appreciate that very much because I don't want to impose myself on her.
I am very aware of my own movement, but I too wonder what she is thinking as I trace the fabric design on the arm of her chair, or as my feet tap the floor, but she doesn't say. I talk more now. I am glad you spoke up.
Glad you decided to join in. My first comment was yesterday and everyone was very nice and made me feel welcome.
I like your comments. I have been very nonverbal much of the time also. I just didn't know what to say. Sometimes I am very fidgety too. I worried that my silence made my T uncomfortable. She said once, "I know this is difficult for you", but she didn't press me to talk. She has been very patient. And she always tells me at the end of each session to come back whenever I feel like it. I appreciate that very much because I don't want to impose myself on her.
I am very aware of my own movement, but I too wonder what she is thinking as I trace the fabric design on the arm of her chair, or as my feet tap the floor, but she doesn't say. I talk more now. I am glad you spoke up.
Hi FlamingoDomingo
Welcome, and thank you for your comment. My T reads me like a book, sometimes annoying for me when I'm trying to hide my feelings (never works out!) but mostly helpful when words can't express emotions sometimes.
Enjoy posting here
starfish
Welcome, and thank you for your comment. My T reads me like a book, sometimes annoying for me when I'm trying to hide my feelings (never works out!) but mostly helpful when words can't express emotions sometimes.
Enjoy posting here
starfish
Hi Koi, hi FlamingoDomingo!
Welcome to both of you - lovely to see new people here, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you both better. Awesome pictures, both!
See you soon,
Jones
Welcome to both of you - lovely to see new people here, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you both better. Awesome pictures, both!
See you soon,
Jones
Hi Koi, FlamingoDomingo -
Well, first, I have to say that I love both of your names. Very neat. Also, I too am very fidgety in session. Just the last session I was sitting there, staring at my hands that just kept moving and I couldn't make them stop. There's something about sitting still in therapy that gets me, and I don't know why. I rarely look at my T in the eye when I am saying something, and I only look at her about half the time she is saying something to me. Last session was odd though, because for a split second when I looked at her as she was saying something, I felt comforted looking into her eyes. Odd, but good - in a very scary way.
Great to have you guys here! I look forward to reading more posts from both of you.
Well, first, I have to say that I love both of your names. Very neat. Also, I too am very fidgety in session. Just the last session I was sitting there, staring at my hands that just kept moving and I couldn't make them stop. There's something about sitting still in therapy that gets me, and I don't know why. I rarely look at my T in the eye when I am saying something, and I only look at her about half the time she is saying something to me. Last session was odd though, because for a split second when I looked at her as she was saying something, I felt comforted looking into her eyes. Odd, but good - in a very scary way.
Great to have you guys here! I look forward to reading more posts from both of you.
Hey BB
Welcome back! How ya doin?
Glad to have you back!
I will have to ask my T if he reads my body language- really I have no clue. If he does, then I am not going to lay down on his big comfy couch in his big beautiful office that I just discovered. I thought if I did lay down, I could hear his voice, but not see his face, but that might mean something, so I won't do it.
Welcome back! How ya doin?
Glad to have you back!
I will have to ask my T if he reads my body language- really I have no clue. If he does, then I am not going to lay down on his big comfy couch in his big beautiful office that I just discovered. I thought if I did lay down, I could hear his voice, but not see his face, but that might mean something, so I won't do it.
Hi Mayo;
What I wouldn't give to have the option of not having T's face right in front of me. That must be quite a temptation! Let us know what you end up doing, if you do decide to try out the couch, I'm very curious to know how it makes you feel, if you don't mind sharing.
I'd bet my T reads my body language---it is very obvious how I feel by looking at me; I just wish I could say the same for his body language; I always assume the worst.
What I wouldn't give to have the option of not having T's face right in front of me. That must be quite a temptation! Let us know what you end up doing, if you do decide to try out the couch, I'm very curious to know how it makes you feel, if you don't mind sharing.
I'd bet my T reads my body language---it is very obvious how I feel by looking at me; I just wish I could say the same for his body language; I always assume the worst.
Hi WTOH,
I won't see him until Wednesday, but I will let you know. I am going to ask him if he reads my body language, and what has he learned so far. (yea I say this so bravely now- but lets see what happens when I am in the room.
Tonight in yoga class I was imagining him helping me hold a yoga balancing pose, as he is on my mind. I am a bit worried. Yesterday was not a good day for me and I called my T and asked him if he would call me. He is usually good about that and calls when he is done for the night or if he has a break. Nothing though. I txt this morning, nothing, one more this afternoon- asking if he was ok, still nothing. I am ok today, but now worried about him. I have a weird feeling about it. Anyway sorry for hijacking the post. I will let you know about body language.
Mayo
I won't see him until Wednesday, but I will let you know. I am going to ask him if he reads my body language, and what has he learned so far. (yea I say this so bravely now- but lets see what happens when I am in the room.
Tonight in yoga class I was imagining him helping me hold a yoga balancing pose, as he is on my mind. I am a bit worried. Yesterday was not a good day for me and I called my T and asked him if he would call me. He is usually good about that and calls when he is done for the night or if he has a break. Nothing though. I txt this morning, nothing, one more this afternoon- asking if he was ok, still nothing. I am ok today, but now worried about him. I have a weird feeling about it. Anyway sorry for hijacking the post. I will let you know about body language.
Mayo
Hi Caeti723,
Cool Avatar- what does it mean?
I don't really remember how it started, but he is very client centered and i am guessing that all of his clients have his cell number- IDK- I just assumed that. He doesn't have a secretary, but he does have an office phone (2 offices)He said he doesnt mind being accessible to clients (to a point) and I don't think I abuse it. Yea it is cool- because I save some of his txts (I told him) and use them as affirmations if I need to. He just laughs. I also have save a few amazing voice mails as well. (Yea I am pretty sick- but it works for me) Nice chatting- I will ask him about the body language, and he does EMDR too, only 2x with me. Not all that fond of it.
Cool Avatar- what does it mean?
I don't really remember how it started, but he is very client centered and i am guessing that all of his clients have his cell number- IDK- I just assumed that. He doesn't have a secretary, but he does have an office phone (2 offices)He said he doesnt mind being accessible to clients (to a point) and I don't think I abuse it. Yea it is cool- because I save some of his txts (I told him) and use them as affirmations if I need to. He just laughs. I also have save a few amazing voice mails as well. (Yea I am pretty sick- but it works for me) Nice chatting- I will ask him about the body language, and he does EMDR too, only 2x with me. Not all that fond of it.
It may be sick- but you made me laugh, and that counts for something?
quote:Originally posted by Caeti723:
One thing I found helpful was learning about "clusters" in body language. My T has shown a few of them which reassure me that I shouldn't be thinking the worst. He has done the "face platter" combined with petting his own knee... which really turns me on usually.
What clusters? What is the "face platter"? Do tell!
quote:Originally posted by Caeti723:
As for the body language here... my T will often play with his pen- putting it to his mouth or playing with it between his fingers. I read in the book that this is usually in conjunction with how men and women slip their rings on and off which means they want to have sexual relations with whom they are speaking to at the moment, or just wanting sex in general.
Oh, dear. I did this all the time - slipping my wedding ring on and off each finger - with my ex-P (no secret here - I wanted him). I hope he doesn't know what these particular fidgety habits mean! One time I was nervously twirling my pen and part of it broke off and flew out of my hand. Then I tried to pick it up real quick and toss it in the waste basket, and I missed.
I was so embarrassed. He was quite amused and said, "THAT was funny."quote:Originally posted by Caeti723:
They will lean their elbows on the table and rest their head on the flats of their hands toward you. This can also indicate attraction, especially when combined with a sidelong glance and raised eyebrows.
Oh crap. I did that, too. I'm such a tart.
Mayo,
I hope your T is ok. That would worry me for sure. I'll be interested to hear what he says about your body language.
Caeti: the ring thing makes me laugh. I do that often with my ring in T. I certainly don't want to have sex with my T. I'm also not usually thinking about having sex when I'm around her. That did give me a good chuckle though. I wonder if it only applies in mixed company or I guess maybe if you are gay?
I hope your T is ok. That would worry me for sure. I'll be interested to hear what he says about your body language.
Caeti: the ring thing makes me laugh. I do that often with my ring in T. I certainly don't want to have sex with my T. I'm also not usually thinking about having sex when I'm around her. That did give me a good chuckle though. I wonder if it only applies in mixed company or I guess maybe if you are gay?
Oh Shit, oh Shit!
I better learn about this stuff. I do that face platter thing. Oh- no! I thoutht it meant that I was concentrating on what he was saying.
What does it mean if I am wearing a skirt, and I pull my legs out of his sight and tuck them underneath me?
Yea- getting really worried about T- still no call. And I am handling my own crisis with meds and prayer. I am going to call his office this morning. something is not right.
Funny- is this body language or an unfortunate situation for T? (I already posted this somewhere)
A few months ago, in the spring- My T wore a pull over fleese over his button down shirt. I took my jacket off and began to hang it up- as I turned to look back at my T, the fleese was over his head, his shirt was up around his arm pits- bear chested - he was stuck
I tried hard not to laugh, turned away- but almost asked him if I could help him. His hair was sticking up, he was so flustered. But within seconds he regained his poise. That's my T! Gotta love em!
I better learn about this stuff. I do that face platter thing. Oh- no! I thoutht it meant that I was concentrating on what he was saying.
What does it mean if I am wearing a skirt, and I pull my legs out of his sight and tuck them underneath me?
Yea- getting really worried about T- still no call. And I am handling my own crisis with meds and prayer. I am going to call his office this morning. something is not right.
Funny- is this body language or an unfortunate situation for T? (I already posted this somewhere)
A few months ago, in the spring- My T wore a pull over fleese over his button down shirt. I took my jacket off and began to hang it up- as I turned to look back at my T, the fleese was over his head, his shirt was up around his arm pits- bear chested - he was stuck
I tried hard not to laugh, turned away- but almost asked him if I could help him. His hair was sticking up, he was so flustered. But within seconds he regained his poise. That's my T! Gotta love em!
HE CALLED!
and yea- he was sick. (I knew it)
He has lymes disease pretty badly- trouble walking- maybe the lack of happy birthday, was a brain effect of the lyme disease. God I hope not.
If you believe in prayer- pray for my T. No matter what- he is a good guy.
Sorry so OT.
and yea- he was sick. (I knew it)
He has lymes disease pretty badly- trouble walking- maybe the lack of happy birthday, was a brain effect of the lyme disease. God I hope not.
If you believe in prayer- pray for my T. No matter what- he is a good guy.
Sorry so OT.
Mayo:I'm so sorry your T is so sick! He will be in my prayers.
That shirt story is hilarious.
That shirt story is hilarious.
Mayo,
I'm so sorry to hear about your T's illness, that must be very scary for you! I'm really hoping they caught it early and that he will be back on track very soon. I don't know much about it, but I'm guessing if he had had a brain effect he would have been very sick indeed, and yet he was up seeing patients. Perhaps the lack of a Happy Birthday might have been related to his feeling generally unwell & not quite on the ball, rather than it necessarily being a brain thing? I don't know, of course, I just know how I'd be freaking out about the worst case scenario in your situation and it would be hard to see the alternatives.
Hope you are going ok, though, and that he is back with you real soon.
J
I'm so sorry to hear about your T's illness, that must be very scary for you! I'm really hoping they caught it early and that he will be back on track very soon. I don't know much about it, but I'm guessing if he had had a brain effect he would have been very sick indeed, and yet he was up seeing patients. Perhaps the lack of a Happy Birthday might have been related to his feeling generally unwell & not quite on the ball, rather than it necessarily being a brain thing? I don't know, of course, I just know how I'd be freaking out about the worst case scenario in your situation and it would be hard to see the alternatives.
Hope you are going ok, though, and that he is back with you real soon.
J
Mayo
Am so sorry to hear that your T is so poorly. What a worrry for him - and you. Can you call the office to get any updates at all?
Sending thoughts and prayers for him and hug for you as you wait to hear how he is. When were you next going to see him? Hope the waiting is not too difficult,
starfish
Am so sorry to hear that your T is so poorly. What a worrry for him - and you. Can you call the office to get any updates at all?
Sending thoughts and prayers for him and hug for you as you wait to hear how he is. When were you next going to see him? Hope the waiting is not too difficult,
starfish
Thanks all,
Surpriseingly- I am ok. He also left a voice mail apologizing for not getting back to me sooner.
He thinks by Wednesday he should be better because he did not cancel my appointment. Maybe he should do more of the talking on Wednesday and I will listen more. But I will ask him about the body language thing.
When he called- Our school was out at field day (an end of the year activity for the middle school) and I was running- (meaning in charge of) the boy's 1/2 mile event- his response- "Oh! what was your time?" (He is a runner)
I also told him that if he hadn't called, I was using my lunch and prep time, and driving over to his office to check on him, say -glad you are ok, and go back to school. He said - "You would do that?" I said- yea- I would do that for a friend that I was worried about. ( oh- if he knew all of it)
Surpriseingly- I am ok. He also left a voice mail apologizing for not getting back to me sooner.
He thinks by Wednesday he should be better because he did not cancel my appointment. Maybe he should do more of the talking on Wednesday and I will listen more. But I will ask him about the body language thing.
When he called- Our school was out at field day (an end of the year activity for the middle school) and I was running- (meaning in charge of) the boy's 1/2 mile event- his response- "Oh! what was your time?" (He is a runner)
I also told him that if he hadn't called, I was using my lunch and prep time, and driving over to his office to check on him, say -glad you are ok, and go back to school. He said - "You would do that?" I said- yea- I would do that for a friend that I was worried about. ( oh- if he knew all of it)
Hi all,
I saw my T on Wednesday at 4 cuz that is the new me in the new office (yeaaaa!)Here is the skinny on a number of items:
First the birthday issue- because this is rather funny.
I think I posted on this thread that I saw him 2 wks ago on my birthday- told him it was my birthday- ... and nothing. He said nothing, so my mind was deep in thought... and the next words I heard were "I'm 57" No Happy birthday Hele..., just- I'm 57. So weird. ( I didn't ask his age)
Wednesday I asked him if he thought the lymes disease may have affected his brain, and He thought yes, it could have. Next I asked if he had a problem with birthdays, and he said- with other peoples no- great celebration... I explained what happened and asked him why he responded with his age, he said- because it was his birthday, and he thought I was wishing him a happy birthday- which made him a little shy. His Birthday is 3 days before mine. I didn't know that- and we both had a good laugh.
Reading Body Language- He doesn't read body language in the same way that you describe (this means this, that means that...) He says he reads in more of a Gestalt manner- things tell him about me, my mood, my look, my feelings about what is being discussed. He looks at the overall picture, the tone, the posture, how I am talking or not talking...I am sure there is more to it, but IDK. He is good at reading me. Too good at times.
He is on Meds for the lymes disease and doing quite well with it. This is the 4th time he has had it. Poor guy.
It was a great session. I told him about these boards, and he said he would never look here because he thinks it would be invading my privacy. I told him some of our sessions are all over these boards, and how I work things out with you guys and what a great support system you (plural) are. I said without you guys - I would have not returned to sessions with him after the "big disconnect" and that many of you encouraged me to go back. He said that if I hadn't returned that he would have been deeply hurt, because he knows it was his fault (yea!) and that he has been doing his own work with anger. He said,"tell everyone that I say thank you to all of you" for supporting me. So thank you all- from my T. I told him that we don't use names so he wouldn't have to worry about that. He said he didn't care at all if I used his name. But since no one else does - I will stick with My T.
Then- he left a voice mail for me that night, commenting about something funny that happened.
Whata guy- This week I love em, but next week could be different.
I saw my T on Wednesday at 4 cuz that is the new me in the new office (yeaaaa!)Here is the skinny on a number of items:
First the birthday issue- because this is rather funny.
I think I posted on this thread that I saw him 2 wks ago on my birthday- told him it was my birthday- ... and nothing. He said nothing, so my mind was deep in thought... and the next words I heard were "I'm 57" No Happy birthday Hele..., just- I'm 57. So weird. ( I didn't ask his age)
Wednesday I asked him if he thought the lymes disease may have affected his brain, and He thought yes, it could have. Next I asked if he had a problem with birthdays, and he said- with other peoples no- great celebration... I explained what happened and asked him why he responded with his age, he said- because it was his birthday, and he thought I was wishing him a happy birthday- which made him a little shy. His Birthday is 3 days before mine. I didn't know that- and we both had a good laugh.
Reading Body Language- He doesn't read body language in the same way that you describe (this means this, that means that...) He says he reads in more of a Gestalt manner- things tell him about me, my mood, my look, my feelings about what is being discussed. He looks at the overall picture, the tone, the posture, how I am talking or not talking...I am sure there is more to it, but IDK. He is good at reading me. Too good at times.
He is on Meds for the lymes disease and doing quite well with it. This is the 4th time he has had it. Poor guy.
It was a great session. I told him about these boards, and he said he would never look here because he thinks it would be invading my privacy. I told him some of our sessions are all over these boards, and how I work things out with you guys and what a great support system you (plural) are. I said without you guys - I would have not returned to sessions with him after the "big disconnect" and that many of you encouraged me to go back. He said that if I hadn't returned that he would have been deeply hurt, because he knows it was his fault (yea!) and that he has been doing his own work with anger. He said,"tell everyone that I say thank you to all of you" for supporting me. So thank you all- from my T. I told him that we don't use names so he wouldn't have to worry about that. He said he didn't care at all if I used his name. But since no one else does - I will stick with My T.
Then- he left a voice mail for me that night, commenting about something funny that happened.
Whata guy- This week I love em, but next week could be different.
Hi Mayo, thanks for the update. Your T sounds like a really nice guy and a good T. I'm glad you got some things straightened out and it seems that you had a very connected session. I love those kind of sessions but sometimes it just makes it so hard to leave them.
My T is also very supportive of me being on the Board. He sees it as a sort of virtual group therapy (he knows I would NEVER do group therapy in person) and also as a coping mechanism when I'm in need of support I can come here.
I'm glad you went back to your T to work things out. We always think they have all the power and we don't but in reality, if we decide to leave there is not much they can do about it, except ask why perhaps. I would imagine that when they get close to a client within a long-term therapy, it must hurt to have one just disappear and never go back. I told my T I would never do that to him, although I've been tempted at times!
Thanks for posting the explanation of reading body language. I think my T uses that in the same way. He is getting so good at reading me he is now picking up as soon as I start to dissociate and he pulls me back. I never thought he was paying such close attention to my body as opposed to my words but I guess he is. That can be a bit disconcerting at times.
TN
My T is also very supportive of me being on the Board. He sees it as a sort of virtual group therapy (he knows I would NEVER do group therapy in person) and also as a coping mechanism when I'm in need of support I can come here.
I'm glad you went back to your T to work things out. We always think they have all the power and we don't but in reality, if we decide to leave there is not much they can do about it, except ask why perhaps. I would imagine that when they get close to a client within a long-term therapy, it must hurt to have one just disappear and never go back. I told my T I would never do that to him, although I've been tempted at times
!Thanks for posting the explanation of reading body language. I think my T uses that in the same way. He is getting so good at reading me he is now picking up as soon as I start to dissociate and he pulls me back. I never thought he was paying such close attention to my body as opposed to my words but I guess he is. That can be a bit disconcerting at times.
TN
Hey BB,
It is great to hear from you!
I hope you are doing better.
I have been pretty self absorbed and side tracked lately so I have not reached out in while.
I don't know how I would feel about Mark (shhhh) reading the board. He said he wouldnt, and I can pretty well trust that. Mostly what I say here, I tell him, but he does not witness the frustration I have with him at times. (probably read it in my body language though) He does however mostly know how I feel about him, and I believe in the contained Mark way- he has feelings for me. (in the theraputic sense) - I genuinely feel that the caring is real.
It is great to see that sometimes he takes my advice- working too hard - not enough vacation time is one bit of it. I tell him that a vacation will make him better at his work. Well, he is going to the shore- canceling appointments- spending time with extended family, for a while. The best part- is not canceling my appointment, he will be back before my next appointment.
Anyway- sorry off topic.
Be well- BB
Oh, ticks are so bad here- and lyme disease is so common, with or without bug spray- people get lyme. Those tick buggers are nasty
It is great to hear from you!
I hope you are doing better.
I have been pretty self absorbed and side tracked lately so I have not reached out in while.
I don't know how I would feel about Mark (shhhh) reading the board. He said he wouldnt, and I can pretty well trust that. Mostly what I say here, I tell him, but he does not witness the frustration I have with him at times. (probably read it in my body language though) He does however mostly know how I feel about him, and I believe in the contained Mark way- he has feelings for me. (in the theraputic sense) - I genuinely feel that the caring is real.
It is great to see that sometimes he takes my advice- working too hard - not enough vacation time is one bit of it. I tell him that a vacation will make him better at his work. Well, he is going to the shore- canceling appointments- spending time with extended family, for a while. The best part- is not canceling my appointment
, he will be back before my next appointment.Anyway- sorry off topic.
Be well- BB
Oh, ticks are so bad here- and lyme disease is so common, with or without bug spray- people get lyme. Those tick buggers are nasty
Mayo,
I'm so happy that your session went well. That is a funny story about the birthday thing. The validation from him must have felt good too!
My T says she won't read boards like this either, for the same reason. Hopefully she means that, but I imagine she does. I'm sure she has better things to do in her free time.
I'm so happy that your session went well. That is a funny story about the birthday thing. The validation from him must have felt good too!
My T says she won't read boards like this either, for the same reason. Hopefully she means that, but I imagine she does. I'm sure she has better things to do in her free time.
Thanks All-
For your support- especially through the disconnect. I seriously would have quit therapy if it were not for all of you.
The relationship is always a rollar coaster, but it is nice to be in coasting mode for a while.
For your support- especially through the disconnect. I seriously would have quit therapy if it were not for all of you.
The relationship is always a rollar coaster, but it is nice to be in coasting mode for a while.
quote:I felt as if we didn't connect all that much and I was thinking about not going back.
I probably will give him another chance because everyone can have an "off" day
Oh boy- I can feel that! Why is it that we are always on the verge of firing our Ts? I do exactlt that. I walk away with the child like attitude "He does not love me any more". then I feel so entitled to fire his a**. You are so right- they are human and not perfect.
My T told me that he has a bit different perspective on therapy. He feels that the more we know and understand about each other, that creates a stronger relationship, and models more closely what relationships outside the office are like. That is why he did not think it a big deal that he met me on the mountain last winter to go skiing. (I ski- he snowboards). He called me and asked if i was on the mountain, and I was. My girlfriend, who also goes to him, and I were together. He ended up skiing with us for about 1/2 the day. Other than my weirdness about it- the day went smoothly. The 3 of us had a nice time. He holds very strict boundries in all other ways- just so you know it is not a bad thing.
I will probably bump into him at the Y this summer as we both swim. He has a way of making it comfortable and friend-like. I think he is branching out and trying this with a few of his clients, but I am not sure about that.
My T is also very tall.
I am sorry that you had a bad time with your old T.
If you talked about it already- which you may have, I seem to recall reading something, but I don't know your story.
If it has to do with boundry crossong on hid part, then i am seriously sorry for it. It is unprofessionals like him that give this good idea a bad rap.
My T does not list or tell you his boundries, but as I bump up against them from time to time, I learn them from experience. And he never wavers- (darn it)
That is unfortunate about the old room- can you change to a different room?
If you talked about it already- which you may have, I seem to recall reading something, but I don't know your story.
If it has to do with boundry crossong on hid part, then i am seriously sorry for it. It is unprofessionals like him that give this good idea a bad rap.
My T does not list or tell you his boundries, but as I bump up against them from time to time, I learn them from experience. And he never wavers- (darn it)
That is unfortunate about the old room- can you change to a different room?