Tagged With "will"
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
True North, I've missed you, too. I only overlapped here with all of you guys for a short time, so it was hard for me to remember everyone who's been missing, but it's good to see you back. catgirl
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
TN, BTW, I know how you feel with the coughing/bronchitis thing. I recently had pneumonia. It's so energy-consuming to be sick. My T always reminds me that we have plenty of time, and to know that it will be okay, that we will work through my stuff. So, that's what I want to remind you of right now. Right now, you need to focus on regaining your energy. The other stuff will come in its own time. catgirl
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Summer and HB, Thanks so much for the kind thoughts. And HB, thanks so much for the Cherokee Legend. What a wonderful story. I am going to print that out and save it. Yes, it's an awful thing to have to contend with. As I mention, it's an inner critic that's been there for a long time, but now it almost seems like it feels desperate and feels like it has to come out into the open a bit more and come at me with the worst that it has to offer. I keep responding by telling "it" that I'm...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, good to meet you. I have read your posts in the past, but have just started posting myself! I agree with HB, that change in your dream seems like a very good omen. It seems very powerful, and representative of some big changes you have gone through! Even just raising your consiousness to remember the dream is one very big step, I think! whereami
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Re: Checking in after a long break
HI RUUUUSSSSSS!!!!! It's so good to hear from you... I've been wondering how you've been doing! I'm sorry to hear that you are still having bouts of awfulness... but you do seem to understand it a little better these days, and I think that is definitely a good thing! Your latest dream sounds like a good sign to me... I wonder what your t will say? I'm really glad you've stuck with this process Russ, I know it's been hard. You are working really diligently and it will pay off for you... that...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, good to see you back! I think I'm in a similar place, so haven't posted, nor read much truth be told. Apart from that my nasty voices aren't half as clear as yours, nor half as bad by the sounds of it. But I do think it must be a good thing to identify them ultimately, hoping that this undercurrent of torment will just pack up and go at some point. Don't think they have any intention to do that in the near future. I'm really hurting tonight and just can't get a clear handle on...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
SB, it's not that the voice - which is my own but always says things to me as "you" - is all that clear. I mean it's clear enough, but it's not a yelling, screaming thing, and sometimes it's just a word or an image that flashes into my mind. So, whenever this happens, it's not myself saying, "I am this or I am that," it's always, "you are this or you are that." So, it might say, "you are worthless" and I'll respond by saying, "hmmm, that's odd. I don't feel worthless. Maybe you're just a...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi (((SB))). Sorry you are hurting tonight. I know it makes it seem so much worse when you can't figure out why. Keep talking to yourself the way you suggested to Russ. You deserve a kind voice--one that will help silence the feelings of worthlessness. Allow yourself to be angry. . . We are here to listen. whereami
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ...glad to see a post from you but sorry to hear that your inner critic is so loud and intrusive these days. I have one too and am trying to find a way to either ignore it or fight back or at least understand what triggers it. I found a website that I thought was very interesting written by Pete Walker. You can google him. He wrote an article about the inner critic with some helpful strategies on dealing with it. I plan to print it out and discuss it with my T. You dream sounds like a...
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Re: Here we are...
Hey Samy! I'm so glad to see you on the boards again! I've missed you being a part of the dicussions around here but certainly understand since you've been so busy. And I'm so sorry to hear about your dad... I hope things are improving. And idk where you live but it's hot where I am too! I wish it would cool down but I know it won't ANY time soon! -CT P.S.- I'll respond about your growing and learning about love on your other post!
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Re: EMDR?
I can't say much here except I've heard mostly positive things about EMDR. It's similar to other types of trauma therapy like exposure therapy except it adds the element of the eye movement to it. It's good your therapist knows how to do it and likely worth the try. I can say that trauma therapy is very difficult in whatever theraputic form it comes in. AG- Hey there!! Nice to see you! Finally a familiar and friendly person. I have felt like no one knows me since I came back =( BW
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Re: Checking in after a long break
thanks Russ, I have to remind myself that being angry is not a bad thing. I still expect to be cast out into the outer universe for being angry! Do you think all these ingrained behaviours are ever going to melt away??? And just for record (and you can have that in writing... ): YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS AT ALL, quite the contrary and I really admire the your courage and strength of staying with the mud! Hi whereamI! I just hope I can believe that one day. I halfway do on a good day and then...
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Re: EMDR?
BW, But we're getting to know you . But I know what you mean. It's good to see old friends. catgirl
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, Thanks for checking in, I've been worried about you (I know I have my nerve considering how long I've been missing!). I get the inner critic as I had a very strong one myself. I've done some reading and the theory is that we internalize the negative stuff we pick up and criticize ourselves in an effort to keep us safe. If we yell at ourselves then maybe we'll not cross that invisible line and get in trouble again. Part of healing is learning that all of the criticism wasn't true in...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
hey CT, TN, AG and everybody. Thanks so much for all the replies. One thing is clear; that part of me - the harsh inner critic - is extremely strong. My T feels that despite it's hateful, sadistic voice, it is there to tell me something. It's not there just to be hateful and sadistic just because it can. He said that setting up a confrontational relationship with it isn't doing me any good. I think this is true since just telling that part of me to shut the hell up doesn't really do...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hey Russ! Sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I just had a thought about this. My T suggests that I just tell that part of me, "I hear you. I know that you're there." When I genuinely do this, without feeling angry at the voice for being there, I often move into sadness. This tells me that the voice is defending my sadness, so by doing this, I peel off a layer of the onion. She says the first step is just acknowledgement. Anyway, just a thought. Good to see you again! cat
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Re: Checking in after a long break
I would like to second CG's thought here! I have a similar experience when trying to get through the anger and negativity. I think I've said in on here before, but this is what my t said to me once (and I'm definitely paraphrasing): Think about it like this. What does a young child do when he's angry? He strikes out with the most hurtful thing he can think of: I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO YOU AGAIN! But when young child is that...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi jo, I've used EMDR in the past a couple of times but it was for things I remembered... i don't know if i like the idea of forcing repressed memories to the surface. Or if EMDR is even the right way to do it. They tend to cause enough problems when they come through without forcing them. But as far as EMDR goes it seemed to help with the intensity of the feelings and the vividness of the memory. But it wasn't something I particularly liked and haven't tried again. But most people seem to...
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Re: EMDR?
I am new here, but wanted to comment upon my experience with EMDR. My T used it to rid me of a pervasive nagging image of something that kept surfacing unbidden. When it did, it was upsetting and brought the whole incident back to mind ike it was yeaterday. One session and the memory is still faintly there but it is as if it was laid to rest in my mind. Very spooky! I would avail myself of the process anytime.
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hi Timbo, Welcome to the forum! Sounds like you are in a bit of a pickle there. I'll answer your last question first ~ Are you wasting your time? If you love someone you are never wasting your time! If you don't love this woman, maybe it's in your best interest to consider moving on. I'll assume that you love her because you have stuck it out this long. I agree that your partners daughter should be out of the house by 27 (does mom cook with cheese?? hahaha sorry, I couldn't resist!), you say...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hi Timbo, Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you felt comfortable to ask your question. I think you're in the middle of a very complicated situation. It sounds like your girlfriend and her daughter are very emeshed and neither of them is in any rush to end that. When someone grows up in an abusive, dysfunctional family they are often driven (very unconsciously) to repeat the trauma. As horrible as the abuse is, it's still at least familiar. Your girlfriend marrying someone like her abusive dad...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hey AG It's been awhile!You can SEE me??? hehehe Nice to see you too. Holz
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Re: EMDR?
Hey butterfly! I am not sure. I think you used to post here? Or did you change your ID? Anyway I think I remember you and am glad you are here. Good to see you too AG! I meant to comment in the thread where I asked about you but times have been rough and though I have looked in on this board I mostly didn't feel I could respond to ayone. I had a rough couple of weeks. EMDR My new T tried it with me but I think I didn't know her well enough and she zeroed in on one of the most stressful...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Thanks to you all for taking the time to offer your suggestions and support. I just stuck my neck out one last time making her aware of possible abandonment and co-dependency issues. Telling her she has head problems will surely be the end of me
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hey Timbo .. All you can do is try right! If you love her, don't give up on her. Holly
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Re: EMDR?
Oh my goodness, that ECT! I forgot all about it. Yes, most definitely there are other treatments out there that are better than ECT. The description in Wikepedia states it's used "when other treatments have failed". Well, they are referring to the typical CBT, psychoanalytic and psychodynamic treatments that have failed. There have not been attempts, to my knowledge, to use an attuned therapist with EMDR or body psychotherapy. Both of these therapies, in the hands of a grounded therapist,...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi you all, this is a great topic. I'd also be glad to read something about EMDR by Robin...that'd be cool. When I first shut down and stopped working they gave me ECT treatments. It was only 8 weeks into my depression and they gave me 24 in a row. It fried my memory and I feel grateful to still have enough brain power to function. I wondered if I'd be able to do school but seems that I can. I would never recommend it. I fought against my clients having ECT and lost... I have had some EMDR...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi All I know this topic isn't really about ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but I just wanted to give my own personal opinion / experience on this topic. I've had ECT. It was a last resort (both times) in my case and thankfully it worked to get me out of the rock bottom state I was in. The first time I had ECT I was suffering from severe postnatal depression and spent 16 weeks in a Mother-Baby Unit. I didn't want to hold my newborn child (whom my husband & I had desperately wanted and...
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Re: EMDR?
Hello Everyone, I too have had ECT treatments and they have helped me tremendously--although, I initially agreed to have them because I engage in self-harm...and I thought that the ECT's(being so extreme) would accomplish a similar result as my cutting would...anyway...since the ECT's, I have felt much happier and much more ready to tackle some of the work I'm doing in therapy now. And, I would choose to do ECT's again if I needed them, this time not for self-harm but to lift me out of ...
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Re: Stormy Piano Player
What a unique scene - that was really fun watching! Thanks for sharing. Flicka
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Flicka: I haven't really been following along ... so not too sure about your retraction....I think debate is healthy and can serve to enrich the learnings of all involved.....I hadn't noted anywhere on the site that this "community forum" was "debate-free"....I challenged an individual on this site once (simple looking for learnings from the great debate on DID) and instead of having my voice heard, I had my voice deleted by Shrinklady....this is one of the main reasons that, although I may...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi flicka, I'm sorry you decided to retract your post and that you feel like you weren't able to express your opinion safely. I am not sure I read the post you're talking about, I certainly haven't seen anything I found hurtful or demeaning. I am sure that whatever it was you wrote, you were more than entitled to write it. You were speaking from your own experiences and who am I or anyone to cast judgement on that? Your experiences are real and even though some people may not...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi Flicka, Just my two cents' worth...with all the stuff I've read on transference (message boards, websites, books, etc.) I've had the growing impression that not everyone means exactly the same thing when they use that word. In fact, a few sessions ago, I finally asked my T for his definition because we'd been using the word for a while, but never directly defined it. He said a few things, but what was most useful for me going forward was to look at it as the feelings I'm having about my...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
I completely flubbed up when trying to identify some of my feelings as transference recently (it was projection) and so my T explained what his understanding of the term is. He said that transference is when you have feelings directed at someone because they remind you of someone else in some fashion, and your feelings are unwarranted. So, by his definition, the vast majority of my feelings towards him are not transference. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I agree that not everyone...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi Flicka, I did get a chance to see your post on transference, etc. and I found it very interesting...I'm sorry you erased it...I hope you don't feel discouraged from posting in the future...I find your thoughts interesting...mlc
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Awww.. thanks to each of you for your replies.. And to Sarah - I'd like to read your posts. I'm kind of at a loss of how to respond, except to say, thank you, I receive your welcome. Flicka
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi, I didn't read the thread you're referring to but here's one thing I've learned about transference so far; I think you can have it and not even realise it. For example, there have been times where I was so furious with my therapist that I wanted to tell him to go F himself and never see him again because he said something that hurt me. It took a while to see that the hurt feelings - triggered by my T - were really kind of a referred pain from an original hurt from my father...or my...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG, I've read about the love-hate flip-flop and I've never really experienced it the way I've read about it. I don't so much hate my T as worry that he isn't the person I thought he was. I have definitely experienced getting very angry and/or upset with him on numerous occasions when he didn't do anything wrong. The first time I ever told him I was angry at him was because he canceled a couples appt at the last minute (8:30 AM for a 5:30 PM) and I just assumed that it was some kind of...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG... first I wanted to say hi and welcome because I don't think we have chatted yet. I haven't been around lately because I've been doing some seriously heavy therapy and had no energy to post. I did want to say that i've been reading your posts and I can see that you are working very hard in your therapy and that you have good insight. I have a very good ability to assign hateful thoughts to my T. He commented just today how good I am at deciding for him what he is thinking . Today I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Your responses help a TON...thanks, HB, AG and True North! I'll respond more later, but I've GOT to get some sleep *yawn* it's late! SG p.s. No hurry, HB...I didn't feel "forgotten"!
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Okay, folks, this is a huge post, processing what you said. So I’ll start out by saying THANK YOU for your responses. It is so encouraging and helps so much to sort out what is going on, so I have some hope of discussing this with my T and making some sense. I never would have stayed in therapy to this point without you. Thank you!!! AG, Thank you, AG! This is what I was trying to say. You said it perfectly. But then I go even further and imagine the creep he might actually be. And I get...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Again first off I have to say thanks SG and AG for sharing your thoughts. While I don't think I have had hate feeling as such towards my T...he did mention to me a few sessions ago how he noticed I had been angry with him for a while. Part of me was shocked as I hadn't said anything along those lines to him and felt bad that he got this impression of me as I'm so crazy about him. But he was right. I was annoyed that he didn't save me and rescue me from the hurt and pain that I was feeling. I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
SG, I know that can feel really weird and kind of scary, but that's the Ts job, not to take it personally. I can remember apologizing to my T for being so suspicious of him when he had never given me any reason to be, in fact, quite the opposite. He, very gently, kept telling me that he understood, based on my experiences, why I would be so suspicious and need so much reassurance, that he didn't take it personally. There was one time (and trust me, I still flinch when I remember saying it)...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi AG, Thanks for everything you said. I very much appreciate you sharing your experiences in therapy. I definitely have the feeling of “waiting for him to hurt me” and knowing that this will “end badly”. I admire you for being strong enough to stick with it and tell him about it. And I admire your T for handling it so well. I haven’t talked much to my T yet about the legacy of incest in my family. There was overt incest in both my father and mother’s families of origin. My mother’s family...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Dear Strummer Girl, Yes, I think it is possible to like your T too much, so that you just can't move forward, even though they are keeping the boundries. I think that is what is happening to me--I find myself trying to say all the "right' things and not really letting the real me show through--warts and all. This happened with my previous T, and I think I stopped growing when I realized that I idealized her. She kept good boundries, so it was not her fault. I told her that I never expected...