(((DRAGGERS)))

Are you talking about parents, siblings or peers? Or all three?


It would have meant so much to me at one time to hear my mother say the words "I'm sorry" but I know I will never hear them from her as she's also one of those who will never apologize. You may be onto something there thinking that it might be some type of narcissism or sociopathy. My mother wanted things the way she wanted things and no one else's feelings mattered then and they don't now.

My brother once said, "Why am I always the bad guy?" I didn't say it but thought, "because you are the one who does the bad things." Like Jones said, there has to be a certain amount of denial going on there. He doesn't feel good enough about himself to be able to acknowledge that he had been mean or evil or wrong. He may border on being sociopathic and not care at all what other people are feeling or it could just be the way all alcoholics are. Maybe that is another explanation, that there is an addiction going on and that's a whole other ball game.

As far as siblings or peers, I was also wondering if sometimes people don't apologize because they don't think they have done anything wrong or they themeselves feel hurt and think they are owed the apology. I know I've wanted apologies sometimes from people and never got them but realized afterwards that maybe they felt hurt as well. The interaction had been painful for me and likely painful for them. We were both lashing out but I was only able to see at the time that I was the only one hurt. I didn't see and couldn't acknowledge my own power. Maybe that's part of it too, that they feel very powerless and the abuse is a way for them to express their powerlessness. To them, it might feel like justifiable anger.