quote:

T reflected my feelings and position beautifully a little while ago. He said if we were to seriously inform our 4 year child of the expectation that one day they will be grown up and move away from us into their own house, to drive their own car, they will be aghast...terrified. How will they ever be able to do these things? It is unimaginable and their poor little minds will suffer melt down at the thought. If every day of their life we badger them with this expectation and start moving them toward that prematurely, they will be in a state of constant anxiety and will rebel against any effort on our part to encourage responsibility...the result will be just the opposite of what we are demanding. So we don't do that.

Monte... my T has said the same type of thing to me more than once. When he relates it to my child I can see so clearly what he means and then I can relax into the dependence I so need in order to move through those developmental steps that were denied to me in childhood.

The other day my son said to me "mom I don't think I ever want to live alone". So I told him that he can live here with us for as long as he wants and I would never ask him to leave. He said Okay and went on with his day with a smile. Now, I know that one day he will be ready and able to move out on his own but why badger him with that now before he is ready and before he can developmentally grasp that?

You T is pushing you out on your own before you are ready and that just does not work. I agree with Monte that she does not either trust or understand the process and this is causing you so much pain. I am truly sorry she is behaving this way. I wish I could help you in some way because you sound so sad. I know you tried to talk to her and that was frustrating for you. I would at least ask her if she would push a 4 year old out of the house so they could learn to be independent? See what she say.

I wish you the best. Please keep posting here for support.

Hugs
TN