(((CD)))

I'm back! I can completely relate to this. I love and hate the dependency all at the same time! For me, the dependency looks like this:

Anything that comes up at all that creates anxiety or fear or or pretty much any uncomfortable feeling, I feel that I need her to get through it

I think about her about hmmmm...832 times a day. Ok, maybe about 10 times a day, but that feels like alot b/c when I think of her it's for long periods of time.

I have a strong fear of something happening to her b/c I truly feel (right now) that I NEED her to survive.

However....I do believe that this dependency (maybe not so extreme though ) is needed in order to heal. I look at it this way...if I didn't "depend" on her, then why would I have any desire to continue therapy or to work through my stuff. Meaning, when my fears come up and I think of her, it's because right "now", I need her to help me process, learn, and eventually be able to deal with this on my own. I believe there will come a time when I will not depend on her and be able to live life a different way..figure things out on my own. I don't know exactly how long that will take...and the strong dependency does scare me and even makes me feel inadequate at times. But I guess it's necessary....part of the process...I hope.

So I don't really know if that helped, but that's my thoughts on it. It causes me pain too. Hang in there.