So I've spent the better part of 2 days reading through this read. Marathon run I know! I faithfully read the first few pages, and then skipped ahead.
So about me: this is my first experience with therapy. I'm in marriage counselling. And just a few weeks into therapy started to develop transference for my counsellor. Thankfully I did my research and found out what it's called and how it's a natural part of therapy and how the best way to deal with it is to be open and honest about it. Due to this research I was able to bring it up in a phone call with my T as well as with my husband (I told my husband first...he was quite understanding). It was a bit embarrassing but I find that I need to talk about stuff a lot, so no matter how awkward it was I was glad to be able to talk about it. And I was so relieved when I read that talking about it is the best way to handle it!
So the feelings started after my T was being especially caring and stayed on an hour long phone call with me after a depressive episode. And then during the days that followed, he gave me a specific set of guidelines, and in doing so, I realised just how effective his counselling was. Anyway, so I started having great admiration for the way he handled things so sensitively, caringly and above all, professionally. And that admiration turned into a major crush.
I love the fact that T doesn't skirt around the issue but addresses it head on, even with my husband present. I love the feeling about being able to talk about stuff, no matter how embarrassing or weird it might be. And I absolutely love that I don't have to hide this from my husband because that would put me in a guilt coma.
Anyway, so in dealing with all this, I'm now at the stage, where I have to remind myself to focus on fixing my marriage (the reason for the counselling), and to stop obsessing about T. Obviously easier said than done.
When does the transference start to lose it's hold? What shifts?
Intellectually I know T is not perfect. But we do have some friends in common (I looked him up on Facebook) and I recently saw him at an event where I was too flustered to approach him. So we do move in similar social circles and the chances of bumping into him again are high.
Although I've brought it up with my husband a few times but I'm wondering if I should stop now because I don't want him to feel that that's all I think about. And the funny thing is, our marriage has been so much better as a result of therapy. We are handling conflict better, we are giving each other more space and we are having more sex
heh. So we both definitely want to continue. If only this pesky infatuation with my T was not there, I could just focus a little better, you know?