quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
Hi Sprinting Gal,
Welcome to the forums! I've never had transference occur with a medical doctor but from the way you describe him, you were getting emotional support very similiar to what you get from a therapist. He sounds like a wonderful doctor, so I can see you developing feelings for him.
I also understand your feelings of both sexual attraction and wanting him for a father. My feelings for my T tend to go back and forth. Although for me, when the sexual attraction gets stronger, its a pretty good sign for me that I'm trying to avoid something and I need to slow down and look at it. As I am working through the transference (SO much easier said than done!) my feelings for my T are becoming more a deep affection and appreciation for how much I can trust him and how much he's helped me. Any good therapist can help you work through a transference, but for what it's worth (and I want to be very cautious applying MY experience to YOUR life because it may not be true for you) working with a man has led to really amazing progress for me. I worked on and off with a woman therapist for over 15 years and we did a lot of really good work together. She was a excellent therapist and we were very close. But when she retired I ended up going to my present T. Because I had so many issues around the need for an attachment figure and an inability to trust men, I think working with a man has made a big difference. I think continuing to work with a woman would have allowed me to avoid going some places. So if you feel like your current T isn't as helpful as you would like in working through the transference, you may want to look for someone more experienced in working with it. One thing about transference, in the hands of a skilled and ethical therapist, its an incredibly powerful tool for healing, but if its handled badly it can be very damaging.

AG

PS Sorry, I am given to novel like posts!

Thanks for the reply, Attachment Girl. He has gone above and beyond in ways I never dreamt as he had always been cold in the past. It's a complex situation in that in the course of treatment administered by another doctor that he referred me to, I experienced a terrifying medical error that has resulted in my developing PTSD. He told me (in so many words) that he too has PTSD and this is when my feelings for him really intensified and clearly, his did for me as well.

I have talked to my T about it and her assessment of the situation is that he has read me wrong and knows very little about transference. She says he is not "safe." He has never tried to do anything sexual or out of context with me, but he was clearly flustered the last time I saw him and I was met with a number of courting gestures. We speak every two months when I have blood tests but the calls are always short and to the point. My heart pounds when he calls me and I can never say much more than "yes" "okay" and "thank you" but I look forward to his calls so much! He says my name with such exuburence.

I asked my T how to resolve the transference and she told me that being aware of it is the key. That does not seem like enough for me. I asked if I should hire a male therapist in order to resolve it and she strongly cautioned me against it, saying that most would not know how to handle the transference in a non-damaging way. The thing is, I don't want any male therapist to resolve it, I want my MD to help me resolve it! I've been trying to "use" him as a tool to do it without actually involving him but currently I'm leaning towards spilling my guts and telling him while also invoking transference. There is a fear of losing him, of being banished by him because he finds me inappropriate, but the truth is, I want to leave the medical group anyway because of the trauma. He is the sole reason I have not left. But he makes me feel very, very safe and the idea of a stranger following my cancer (I am in remission and considered a low-risk case) makes me incredibly nervous!

My sexual feelings for my MD are not as intense as they once were and often I just wish he were present in my life all of the time due to it feeling like he understands what I have gone through and his obvious care for me. His kindness has been foreign and overwhelming to me. I said that his understanding of me has felt like "a personal ecstasy" because I have never had a man understand me in this way and fall right into that hole in my psyche like he has.

I have the same issues with not trusting men and needing an attachment figure. I was not physically abused by my actual dad, but there was emotional/verbal abuse and he was very emotionally detached. My family, in general is emotionally neutered and I find it very difficult to express my emotions.

The doctor that traumatized me was also a man, btw, making my original MD look all the more appealing.