Hi Em,

I know that you have already received a lot of excellent input from other members and I intended to hold back because I felt there was nothing more that I could add. But After considering this over night I would like to share some insight on a particular relationship that started out as client/therapist that I am very familiar with:

This is a true life story still playing out:

One of my dear friends is a therapist. She is a very caring individual and was monumental to me when I suffered a breakdown 3-4 years ago. She was well aware of the importance of being my friend and not clouding it with trying to become my therapist too. She even stated that it would be detrimental to do that. Sensing that I had some deep seeded issues she is the one who referred me to my T.

In the meantime, however, she has developed a very close friendship w/ a previous client whom she stopped seeing professionally so that they could pursue a friendship. My friend has admitted serious error in judgment, but remains caught in a whirlwind of emotions that I believe are fueled by transference/counter transference. This relationship is so intense and out of balance that others who observe and do not understand the dynamics have made disapproving remarks about the two of them, even wondering if they are lesbians. It is really a very odd and unhealthy relationship.

For clarity I will refer to the client as Mary and the Therapist as June.

Mary follows June around like a shadow jumping at every move that June makes. If June yawns she is ready to run and get the car so she can take June home to rest. She will stand over her repeating, “Are you tired? Do you want me to take you home? Can I get anything for you?” A bewildered June finally replies, “I was just yawning.”

June on the other hand, takes on the role as if Mary (a 40 something year old woman) is her own child. Feeling the need to tell the rest of her friends that Mary feels left out and needs to be included more.(among other things) June has basically shut the rest of her friends out and only spends time with Mary now.

Mary is married w/ two children and Mary and June spend several hours a day together on a regular basis when Mary should be home spending time with her family and raising her kids. Once I stopped by to visit June and Mary was there. As usual it was impossible to have a conversation with June because Mary was moving up and down from the couch and changing the subject like a five year old. Being aware of this June even told her to calm down. (Apparently I make her nervous because she thinks that I believe that she took my friend away from me) In that visit, Mary nonchalantly mentioned that she thinks her husband wants to divorce her and the kids will probably choose to live with him, so she already figured out that she would be moving in with June.

Recently Mary lost her mother to cancer and spent the last few months helping to take care of her. June was extremely jealous over this especially knowing that Mary’s mother had been neglectful and abusive to Mary and therefore did not deserve Mary’s attention and love at the end of her bitter life.

Cause for alarm? I think so. There is so much more I could relate but I can hardly include every detail, so if there is anything you want clarified please ask me and I will try to elaborate. I am sorry that my reply is so lengthy already. Maybe this is a “worst case scenario,” but it is absolutely true nonetheless.

I would like to comment that I have desired my T becoming my friend. We would likely not carry on the way that Mary and June do. I would love to go running together and meet for coffee. I would love to have her mobile number so that I can call her directly, and have her call me because she just wants to and not because she is returning my call. I have allowed my thoughts to drift there and imagine her offering a friendship to me. It is so dizzying and sometimes I see myself whole heartedly accepting it. Other times I see myself telling her “No. You should know better than that.” Then I sigh with relief because I do not have to worry about that because my T would never cross or mix those boundaries and put me in that position.

By design we have so much to lose as clients. I have the very best of her that she has to offer me. To form anything else would be less. To gain personal access would mean losing all that we’ve achieved thus far. Instead my T encourages me to experience what true friendship has to offer with my friends. With her “in session” help, I have been able to make changes in my belief system and enjoy my friendships more than ever before. The beauty of this relationship is that she cries with me, she smiles and laughs with me and shares my joys and progress. I wouldn’t risk that for anything. Friendships are transient, therapist are supposed to reflect stability.

Welcome to our community and please take care!
JM