quote:

I needed to be loved, I needed to be cherished, I needed to feel like I was someone special, and I needed to feel like my needs were important enough to be met. That's still difficult to say. I didn't get those things and its incredibly painful. I'm letting myself feel what it felt like and it hurts and leaves me grief stricken...

Wow, this is my experience to a T. I think I just experienced transference for the first time on Friday when I became totally upset and freaked out when my T announced he'd be gone for this week and forgot to tell me. I felt betrayed, heartbroken and scared to death, not to mention furious.

He completely welcomed these feelings toward him and acknowledged his mistake and apologized. He even equated his mistake and my response to it to a recent experience with my father where my father wandered off without me while my family was on vacation. At the time I just thought it was my dad doing something kind of odd, but my T pointed out that it was yet another instance of my dad walking away from me, essentially abandoning me. (Abandonment is a feeling I've totally repressed my whole life.)

So I think in mentioning this, my T was actually inviting me to realize that my feelings toward him were actually pulled from feelings I've had about my dad for years but was unable to feel or express them.

Then a really freaky, disturbing thing happened last night; I had a dream about my T. He came into my room while I was going to sleep, put his hand on my shoulder and apologized for his mistake. Man, this TOTALLY freaked me out. I sure hope this is transference, and I sure hope he'll be able to help me through it to the other side.

I just found this site yesterday, and I can't tell you helpful it's been. Thanks for everyone here.

Russ