Violethill,

First I want to welcome you to Psych Cafe. This is a great community to find support and I'm glad that you found us.

I'm sorry that you are in such a difficult place. It is normal to feel the things that you are feeling and to go back and forth about how you feel about being close to others. As far as your mother goes, it might be difficult to have the relationship that you would like to have with her if she isn't getting help. It isn't impossible though and I would encourage you to seek out local support services as well as reaching out online. Is she in therapy at all? Are you seeing anyone that can help support you? Regardless, it will be important for you to have firm boundaries in place and to set parameters around the contact that you have in order to keep yourself as safe and healthy as possible.

This forum doesn't get as much traffic as the other forums so you might try posting in one of the main forums. You will likely get many more responses that way.