quote:One thing about being an insufferable a-hole as you said versus a trauma... Sometimes people are insufferable or just don't get along with others because of their trauma. Our experiences shape we we are so... I find someone with trauma being a jerk just as annoying as someone without trauma being a jerk.
I think you nailed it: a jerk is a jerk is a jerk. The effect is the same no matter the motivation behind the behavior.
I am hesitant to blame bad behavior on trauma, even if trauma is present. Some people may genuinely have trouble managing the finer points of relationships because they're hurting. But if someone is being an outright pain in the arse, it's probably because they're inclined to be a pain the arse. In other words, they're probably acting like a jerk IN SPITE OF their trauma. Lots of jerks aren't trauma survivors, and most of the survivors I've met aren't jerks. True, experiences can shape who we are, but we still get some say in the way we're shaped. (That's why we're in therapy.
) I'm glad you were able to break away from that bad relationship. It's a huge step when you can recognize toxic people and decide to put them out of your life.