(((Affinity))) sorry - cross posted. I agree with you that it is very easy to assume what others think or feel. Many of us here accuse our therapists of having feelings or thoughts or mental disorders that who knows if they do. It's the same with everyone else too... It can be maddening to assume needs or expectations and then try to meet them... it's like what I had to so to survive with my parents. It makes sense WHY it happens, since it's a survival skill but it can hurt so many things as an adult.

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For example, the toxic friend says, "I'm lonely." Ok, why? If he or she is lonely because of relationship difficulties stemming from past trauma, that's one thing. But if they're lonely because they're a selfish, insufferable a-hole, then maybe their loneliness is justified.

One thing about being an insufferable a-hole as you said versus a trauma... Sometimes people are insufferable or just don't get along with others because of their trauma. Our experiences shape we we are so... I find someone with trauma being a jerk just as annoying as someone without trauma being a jerk. If it's someone I know well I can be more accommodating but still need my personal boundaries. If they are lonely and it causes neediness or suffocation it would bug me equally no matter why, unfortunately.

When I say toxic friendships I mean people toxic to me, I guess. You're right that hanging on to toxic people is definitely not good for either person. It's harder for me to leave if I know the person has trauma or mental/emotional issues but it makes things they do just as difficult on my patience. Sucks... I really hate not being there for people.