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Reply to "Toxic friendships"

((aH)) I had a role reversal growing up also. I wonder if that contributes to it at all. I understand what you're saying about attending to your needs. I try to focus there but I will still occasionally trip in to the codependent trap of if I keep them happy then I'm happy or if they are hurt or sad I'm hurt and sad.

((GG)) I have friendships similar to you where I am there for the big stuff but the day to day life is not much what I'm in for. Many of my relationships from the past were one sided (I was the care taker, or surrogate attachment figure) and though I contributed to the dynamic, it ultimately ended badly. I sort of shot the other way and made friends who weren't all about their crap or mine (not superficial... Still great friendships just limited emotionally which is how some friendships are). Now I have some friendships that are equal - I'm not scared of their feelings and I choose better people and I'm not scared of my feelings.

((Liese)) Yes, it was that man. It ended when I had a house emergency and I asked him something (he had been there) as part of my troubleshooting and he took it as my accusing him of something and going on and on and on about his emotions and himself and meanwhile I had a literally overflowing plumbing issue to deal with. I told him I am sorry the question sounded accusing, I certainly didn't intend it and that this situation was about me and my plumbing not about him. I got some more dramatic texts and I told him I had no time to coddle him. He told me to F off, and I elected never to speak to him again. When he asked why I told him The relationship was too intense and not what I wanted/needed. Seriously, 10000lbs off me for almost a year now. I think you are so right about outgrowing people, it makes sense.

((RT)) it is codependent but a pattern I am moving out of!
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