Hi again Melba. Oh I think I see what you mean now - wow 6 years is a long time and to feel as if you’re back at square one now must really be hard to live with. (For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re really back to square one, this sounds like an important and necessary stage of your healing, it just feels as if you’ve not gotten anywhere - does that makes sense?)

Others on this forum have a whole lot more experience than me of younger parts emerging and needing more caring than mere words give, and also share the need to be with T MUCH more than just once or twice a week, but I can imagine how you must be feeling right now. I certainly relate to the anger that’s roiling away - that’s such a hard thing to bring to therapy (or to have to feel anyway!) If you’ve been with her six years, chances are she will be able to cope with whatever anger you throw at her - can you use words to start off with and try telling her how angry it’s all making you feel? You may find that what feels like really destructive anger and rage may not come out as destructively as you fear. But yeah it’s a bad place to be in. I hope you are able to stay with your T and keep working with the pain - it doesn’t seem like nearly enough, but can you see any other way out?

I don’t quite understand your T’s words about the volume being set too high - does she mean that she’s saying she IS giving you all this care and understanding but that you’re not hearing it? Hmmm.

I wish there were something I could say to reach you and give you some comfort with all this. Just know that you are supported here and even though we only have words (damned words!), they will be kind words.

By moving the thread I just meant maybe you want to start a new thread in Coffee Talk, or Stories, or Questions forums - and copying and pasting in the posts from here. Those are the three forums that people use the most, and I know there are other people on here who would relate very much to what you’re talking about, but they might not see your thread down here.

Sending you lots of good thoughts Melba

LL