MH,
May I echo STRM's surprise that your T was talking to you about another client's possible SU? As far as her crying or not crying, I honestly think it has a lot to do with the person. I can cry at a well done McDonald's commercial so it's no big deal when I cry. On the other hand, I have known people who cry very seldom and never in front of other people.

I did want to comment on the detachment. Volunteering on the crisis line has been an eye opening education in being on the other side of the couch so to speak and actually has helped me trust even more my Ts caring. When I am talking with callers, I strive to stay very calm since the idea is to help them calm down and feel more grounded. If I am racheting out of control emotionally, I will only make things worse for them. It's also about the caller's feelings and crisis, so my own feelings shouldn't really be in the mix. Appropriate self disclosure is ok, I can tell a caller that I am sorry about a loss, or that I'm glad they called but by and large, I keep my feelings to myself. The focus needs to stay on them and how they're feeling.

But while I'm doing all that, and maintaining that calm, I am STILL me and their is a wide range of emotional responses inside me. I have had some calls where I am very calm while on the phone but have hung up and sat and cried because what the person was dealing with was so heart wrenching. But I don't want to do that in front of them because they don't need to be worrying about how they're affecting me.

The last time I saw my T, about three weeks ago, he asked me how the phone work was going and I shared with him about that, about realizing that my emotions were very present even when they weren't being expressed and that it must be true for him also. He has this awesome way of agreeing without crossing the boundaries to talk about how he feels. He just let me know that it was true for him too. I think that most Ts care and care deeply, but the more they care and the more seriously they take their responsibilities, the more committed they are to keeping their own feelings from becoming the focus.

I know that detachment can be difficult. I railed against it and found it horribly painful at times. But I did come to see it as absolutely necessary to the healing process.

AG