I just re-read my last post and am sorry if it seemed brusque and unappreciative. I was rushed because of all I needed to do before I left and a fussing toddler, but I really do read, appreciate, and treasure every comment I get here, even if I don't always say a lot in reply. Sometimes the thoughts are just percolating. It means a lot to know I am heard and people have taken the time to consider and write out some of their thoughts. Plus, perspective always helps.
I didn't even get to talking with T about any of this today, because my session was crazy. T was having an off day, and I guess we triggered eachother, because there was a clash, and some harsh words exchanged, and awkwardness, and crying (T), the first half of the session. The second half of the session consisted of "repair" and me going on an exciteable, somewhat boisterous rant about unrelated topics just due to leftover energy and nervousness. I was getting on my own nerves, God knows how I must have struck T.
Sometimes in therapy I really disgust myself. Perhaps that's partly what it's for? Honest self encounter so we can change? Ugh. . .