quote:I think getting your hair done should be a relaxing experience, something to look forward to. I just saw mine this past weekend early in the morning at her salon... She always greets and says goodbye with a hug (she's adorable and young) but welcomed me this weekend with her arms in the air saying "ready to do this!?" It gave me instant happy energy. She also asked if we could try something new (I trust her with my hair), etc. That's the kind of person I think everyone should see - someone who makes them happy and feel pretty.
If it's all negative and icky that's no good
Yes, I agree. It may be time for a change. I can't believe it takes 2 hours to do your hair. What the heck do you have done?
(((JONES)))
I was okay with what she said. I'm often 10 − 15 minutes late and always feel bad. She was doing me a favor by getting me in. I did also have a 6 hour car ride after I got my hair done. I wanted to go home and straighten up the house before I left. And, I also wound up spending an hour at the mechanics getting my oil changed and brakes checked. I didn't have the extra time. Maybe I should have just turned down her offer to see me before she left for vacation?
I felt like I was on the verge of a reenactment but can't really sort it out. It was if I should be grateful for her getting me in and that it took away my right to be assertive about my needs. Honestly, I would have been fine waiting until the 26th. Yes, I was happy that she was able to squeeze me in BUT I really would have been okay waiting.
It's like someone wants you to be happy because they are doing something nice for you but offering you something you didn't ask for and they will get angry if I don't like what they are offering. Does that make sense?
Maybe I just don't like her anymore? I used to enjoy the chatter and, yes, it often was therapeutic but the time it takes to do my hair just got longer and longer and we kind of ran out of topics except for "so, how was vacation?" I started to resent the delays. She often stops doing my hair to talk to me and I sit there seething, just wanting to get on with my day and get out of there.
Our kids are in the same grade and used to be great friends when they were little. (They are different genders and both going into 8th grade. On a good day, they might acknowledge each other.) But, the parents invite us to parties when they have them and we have always had a good relationship with them. It would be awkward to stop seeing her. However, if I go to a salon, at least I won't feel as rude if I decide to be quiet and just chill.
But maybe am I wrong in that I have to keep my mouth shut? Like, today, for instance, after I finished writing the above, I calmed myself down and just went over and asked how they were doing.
It made me think about my Old therapist and how he had an expectation that people should be in therapy to change. There was no doubt in my mind that I was there to change. I just didn't know how. My therapy stalled. I felt frustrated but he thought I just fell in love with him and so was putting "professional" distance between us. Yes, I wound up developing feelings and I do think his inaccessibility played into my issues BUT it was the same sort of situation where I really did feel unhappy that I wasn't changing, that I was still the same person. I really was there for therapy. I felt as though I couldn't help it that I developed feelings for him. I also knew that I certainly didn't GO to therapy in the first place to develop feelings. I didn't want to live but with a house full of kids, knew I had to do something about it.
At the time, I remember reading things on the internet like, "if you have this problem, go see a therapist." I would read it and say, "yes, I do have that problem and I am seeing a therapist but for some reason feel as I am inappropriate somehow." I also remember reading, "go to therapy and transform your relationships." I thought it was ironic that I was in therapy and felt very frustrated that my relationships weren't transformed and I had not resolved the anger towards my mother that I wanted to resolve.
What happened was that I picked up on my old therapists expectations and doubted myself. His shit (the "I have to be careful or else clients will fall in love with me") got in the way of him reading me the right way. I wound up putting myself in the position of trying to prove to him that I really wanted to change while stuffing my anger and growing resentment that he didn't actually know what he was doing and feeling like I had to be grateful that he kept me on. It was so screwed up and I sense a similar dynamic with the hairdresser that I don't want to repeat. Does that make sense?