I am with Draggers on the set of letters to signify what we have being rather meaningless... Since we'd act (or act out or relate or experience or etc etc) exactly the same. I'm no different the day I received my diagnosis than the day before and... I guess other people can react how they want. Telling someone I'm suicidal whether I have DDNOS, CPTSD, anorexia, major depression, anxiety or a billion damn other things I could have... Is still me telling someone I'm suicidal. Spade = spade. My actions speak, my thoughts speak. Whatever someone thinks the reason is doesn't matter as long as I can get the resources I need. Stigma sucks and there is a particular diagnosis I have stigma about as well.., as far as BPD.,, I know a few damn fine people who have it. Women in general continue to receive better treatment, as well as the LGBT community, and those with chemical dependencies... It's interesting how perspectives and treatments move over time. Back in the day women could be dropped off by their husbands at a bin and live out their days there.

GG - you're perfect as you are, no matter what alphabet soup someone gives you, or anyone's opinion on it. It sounds like you have a grasp on where some of your feelings are coming from. I too have wanted to save my therapists from me... and I don't know you well enough to know if this might be true for you... But I found staying with them or going back to them healing. Sometimes we can't go back though. I think it is possible that eventually we can beat down the evilness we feel in ourselves. My T has told me that my shame saved my life... Had I not avoided, or felt too evil and awful to exist, I'd have done things that would have hurt me (like go to my parents for support when that's not what I'd get). It's a defense mechanism... And for me it very much comes up when I feel close to someone or say something vulnerable (like you did not long ago). It's like.,. I panic... And if the other person isn't 'bad' then I must be. I called my T just today worried she hated me and could I get reassurance... And she did (sometimes she leaves me to my own devices with it). But if it's after a vulnerable time.,, she knows and I know it's shame. I hope you can still find good help and again, sounds like you are doing some good work.