If you're aware that you are repeating the pattern and it is for a sense if control, then of course that part of you will fight desperately to keep doing the same thing (repeating the past trauma). It's the key motivation - to 'change the outcome'- BUT I do not believe it is helpful OR in yr best interests to do so.
As TN pointed out - there is a huge difference between reacting the past pattern with someone who is LIKE your mother, and someone who REMINDS you of her.
It didn't work out well for you in the original relationship, I fail to see how it can this time either? If it was that she simply REMINDED you of yr mother, then I think it would be helpful. But given she is LIKE your mother, I do not think it will help you at all, long term.
More so that your T seems either oblivious to her behaviour or prepared to change it.
Any relationship can only be as healthy as the two people in it. If neither are healthy, then it cannot ever be positive
(Not meaning you are 'unhealthy' in a bad way - hard to explain what I mean without it sounding bad - hope it makes some sort of sense!)