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Reply to "Hubbys brief impression of T/ I so have to share!"

Hi everyone,

Thank you for laughing along with me. I really did get a kick out of it.

(((Jones))) No the ET is not an issue for me anymore (thank goodness, because that was an awful experience). I have taken to throwing her a blanket when I am too distracted by her lap. It isn't that I am looking, it is that I have no other choice but to view what she puts out there. If anything, I find it to be an annoyance at times because the professional in me knows her method of dress is inappropriate for the profession she is in.

I would like to share the rest of the story because through it I received a tremendous amount of validation that my perceptions are not off base. I just want to make it clear that I have chosen to stay with this T because she reminds me so much of my mother in her behaviors and manner of being that I have chosen to stay to rework those issues by choice and that I am definately making progress in that area and managing transference that even I am astounded.

So as a survivor of many things, but in particular as a child of abuse and of an alcoholic my realities were never validated. My experiences and the way I saw things were never believed and were discounted as me being an "oversensitive" child.

So here is the backstory to the meeting that hubby attended with me yesterday and what led up to it. Intially when I found out we were too low on cash for me to afford my co-pay I had texted T asking if she would be able to hold a check for a week.... otherwise I would have to cancel the session for the day and resume next week or the week after when I had the money. I texted her sunday night. I waited all night... not a word back from her, which is not like her. I even texted asking her to text back a smiley if she was in a place where she could not talk or if it was ok for me to just proceed to therapy in the morning.... again nothing. Called her and left a message early monday morning as my appt was for 11 am. In the message I explained again that I did not have cash clear, could she hold a check (even though I did not like asking her to do that). Told her I needed to hear back from her by 10:30 am in order to make the appt from my location as it takes me a half hour to get there. At 10:45 I get a text back from her telling me that she cannot hold a check to use public health assistance hotline in the interim until I am more comfortable with our financial situation. Hubby and I were in the car at that time headed toward her part of town because he wanted to check out a new store that was opening. well after she sent me that text, I kind freaked a little... started crying in the car. Hubby said he wanted to go talk to her about accepting checks twice a month on his paydays to cover the weekly sessions. So I text her again telling her we are on our way to her office to discuss future payment arrangements and options. So we get there and the secretary tells us that T called the night before to say I had cancelled and her first appt was not until noon (which really pissed me off because she waited until 10:45 the day of my session to answer me when she knew at 6:00pm the night before she was not going to see me and waited to respond even though she has always responded on sundays when there has been an issue in the past).

So T arrives shocked to see us. We get in the session room and the story changes. I wanted to SLAM her so bad... but I just there and "watched my mother at work". I am so proud of myself for not uttering one word and for containing my rage. She sat there and told my husband, I have absolutely no problem holding a check. I understand you are having financial issues and I only make it to the bank for deposit of client checks once a month at the end of the month anyway, so payment is a non-issue to me!

OK SO WHY THE HELL THE TEXT SHE SENT ME STATING DIFFERENTLY! WHY!

She showed me her cold hearted self like she usually is in that text, and then turned around and did an about face with my husband present... exactly like my mother constantly did to family and friends when I was growing up and my entire life. My mom was one person TO me in private and a complete FACADE in public around others. I never felt believed, in fact I was not believed about any of the emotional or physical abuse growing up.

But hubby saw the initial text she sent and then sat there and watched her "flip" her stance once he was in the room. For my husband to SEE it. For him to understand that she changed her tune completely was so validating.

Later on in the evening as he and I discussed what transpired he actually said to me, "now I know why you act the way you do sometimes when you come home from therapy,,, she is exactly like your mother". Transference explained and validated as being very real!

Hubby put the icing my cake, the cherry on my whipped cream.... he saw the reality as I see it, therefore making me less doubtful of my perceptions and my reality. I never had my reality validated with my mom, so it felt really good having it validated now.
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