I'm not sure why my feelings about everything shifted. I think it could be because I am in more pain by pushing T away than I am when I am attached and connected to him. Oh I still wobble over this a bit but I'm better about it. I do call him because he says that he does not want me to struggle or suffer and that I can believe. My T never lies... even when he has to tell me something unpleasant. Our relationship is strong enough to withstand the good and the bad. We are both human and we will mess up but the relationship is strong and will survive.

I do believe my T (most times) because my experience with him has been that he tells the truth. He is basically very honest and open with me. It does not solve anything and only hurts me to sit alone with my fears and pain. And by sharing this with him we become closer and more attached.

You sound like you care about your T and are probably attached to him. If you take that step to reach out to him you will make him very happy and proud of your courage to take this step. I'm not saying that you should just work to please him but in a relationship we both have to participate. You take the step and he responds to your needs. It works for both of you.

One tiny step at a time. Sometimes it just comes down to asking myself... "what is the worst thing that can happen if I reach out for T's comfort?" And I really can't think of anything bad. Only good.

Best to you
TN