quote:

I am wondering though, what sort of lies did you catch your T in? (only if you are comfortable sharing of course).

LG... well I guess right now I feel like my entire therapy was a lie. He lied about those very things I quoted above. He said I was not overwhelmng, he told me he would never lie to me, not even to make me feel better, he said he would not let me drown, he said he could never imagine getting angry with me, he said I could forget about him ever asking me to leave, because that would never happen, and on July 6th I called him on the phone and point blank asked him if he was going to terminate me and his answer was "no, not at all". Five weeks later he abandoned me.

So I am left believing that everything was a lie and it's very painful to have this belief because I worked really hard in therapy and was as open and honest about everything. Oh yeah, he made me promise to bring him all my feelings and that it was okay to talk about anything in there and that I was safe. Right. He could not handle my feelings at all. So how can I believe anything that happened in there? I am left not knowing who I am or what I did and whatever good came from that therapy I have to push away and disavow because I hate that person who got terminated. So I am left in some limbo world of not being able to acknowledge who I was becoming in those 3 years of therapy and trying to forget or abandon that person as well.

I know my T is trying really hard to get me to see I was not to blame and that the good things I accomplished and the person I was becoming was MY work and that I should acknowledge it and accept it and not reject it. But it's a long hard slog to that place and I'm not sure I will ever get there.

I didn't mean to make this thread about my saga. I do apologize if I'm triggering anyone, but most of you know the story by now anyway. Evidently, this traumatic experience did not make me give up on therapy itself but I have been very very careful about trusting anyone, even a T and not sure I will ever really trust my T now, even though he probably is very trustworthy. I know that I am blessed to have found him.

TN