Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.

Reply to "Has your T promised never to terminate?"

quote:
What I want (and need) is something in writing, an agreement of sorts, that our work together will terminate when we both mutually agree it is time. I literally want her to say "I will not terminate you, no matter what you say or do. When you are ready to leave, we will work together to ensure that it is positive, and if you ever want to return, my door will always be open."



Having it in writing is not worth the ink it takes to print it out. I had this in writing from my oldT... numerous times in emails. He wrote "I promise to be there, not matter what, and if at any point things seem to be not going well, we will fix it" and then he wrote "if you are worried about any rejection, you can forget about it because it will never happen".

Yeah we see how well that all worked. Eeker Roll Eyes Mad It does not matter so much what they say but what they do and how they behave. A T can say anything they want and then change their mind. I don't want to scare anyone with discussing what happened to me I just want to make you aware to be on the lookout for red flags instead of hanging onto promises that may or may not be empty ones.

If your T is over their head and not skilled or knowledgeable in the type of issues you have, that is a red flag. Inconsistency or sloppy boundaries is a red flag. Enmeshment is one. Catching them in lies is a biggie too.

My current T will never promise to never terminate me but he tells me he does not terminate patients, they leave when they are ready. He tells me things to look out for within our relationship that should be warnings to me. He also wants me to be able to take him in as much as I can in case something terrible or unforeseen should ever happen to him (okay that part freaks me out a little) I will be able to keep him internalized within me.

Admittedly, I am very skeptical of any T who would promise anything any more, but at least I have learned a lot and my current T is helping me recognize when relationships are failing so I don't stay in them and can leave in order to protect myself.

This is a very hard quesition as it involves trust and I think it varies in each individual therapeutic relationship.

Just my 2 cents
TN
×
×
×
×
×