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Reply to "Guilty - Have you told T?"

I told my T something I had done that was illegal and i need up with a 6 months prison sentence, but it was suspended for 18 months … which means if i stepped out of line in that 2 years, id be called to prison for the 6 months.

it was over a decade ago, and i was very unwell at the time. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not ashamed either. it was something i DID, not something I AM. one very bad judgment call, does not make ME a 'bad person' even though what i did was 'bad' (hurt other people emotionally and mentally).

i believe that's the same for all us - we genuinely do the best that we can in the situation at hand - sometimes we don't make the best decisions, and act on impulsion, but i don't think it makes us 'bad' people.

RT - if you are worried you're a 'bad' person because of whatever you have done in the past, don't you think that BECAUSE you feel so ashamed, and awful about it, that does mean you ARE a good person?

people who really don't give a crap, or are 'bad', can hurt other people, and never ever feel bad about it.

i only have one thing i feel too ashamed to tell my T about - and that was something done to me by my mother, not anything i did. I also haven't said to myself' i wont EVER' tell her - i will, when the time is right or it becomes more pressing.

i think if you trust your T, then sharing it with your T, will help you - a) you don't' have to keep it to yourself and sharing it it can lose it's power; b) your T will very very likely accept you ANYWAY.

i think when it comes to a T needing to disclose something for legal purposes it is only if you are going to hurt yourself or another person - rather than something you might have done, illegal, and hurt someone else, in the past.

a good starting point would be to just let your T know what you have shared here - that you have something you are scared to tell her about; you're unsure if it will leave you feeling worse if you disclose it or not, and talk about any other fears you might have (i.e. - will she still accept you, will she need to tell anyone else about it?).

when I've had big things to talk to my T about and i am really afraid about - i find it SUPER helpful to spend a few sessions talking about talking about it - not saying what it is, but talking through my fears. sometimes I've emailed her 'the thing' and vibe been careful in my email to say if its something i am ready to talk about, or if she needs to ask first, or if i want to talk about it next session.

a couple of times i have shared something via email, and have made it clear 'please don't bring this up', and she has always respected my requests. i usually do get around to talking about it with her eventually, and (so far) haven't ever felt worse from talking it through with her.